do this, do that

Sara, you need to slow down. Sara, you need to double and triple check your work. Sara, you need to breathe. Sara, you need to not stress. Sara, you need to live a little, ya know have a little more fun. Sara, stop being such a "mom". Sara, you need to do this. Sara, you need to be like that. Sara, everything will work out. Sara... GAH! Give me a a break!

look, my whole life people have been telling me that i need to slow down. i need to stop and take a look around a while instead of rush the gift that is right now, hence the reason it is called the present. they have said that i need to double and then triple check my work, as well as, well, that i need to do better. now, i realize that i have lessons to learn, but all of this to me is frustrating and well to be honest, disheartening. there are a few reasons why;

when you want to set the world on fire, or so the story says, you want to be able to stand up for what you want, ask questions, be confident and well, you want answers. you want to know how to succeed, you want to LEARN how to succeed, and you try to do everything in your power to do so... but it is when doing so that you will find those who will easily misinterpret. and trust me, these people can provide you very big life lessons, as well as some extremely difficult hours, days or even weeks. but, it is all how you handle it right? 


now, it is frustrating because i want to learn, you know, do big things...don't we all? (funny thing is, No, not everyone does...and when you meet these people, you learn a lot about how not to act, about what not to say, and how not to wear your opinion on your sleeve... just a tip.) regardless if you haven't been able to tell, i am ansty, hungry...eager. some may even say confident. trouble is here, i don't see these things as bad things...and you may not think so as well, but truth be told it is all about how you carry it. if too antsy people may think disinterested. if too hungry people may think lazy? and if too eager, people may think "know it all" or arrogant...a few things that are never good.

i think that you will always run into people that will understand how you work, why you do what you do, or understand how you think. those are the people who love you for the little crazy ticks that you may have or for the things that make you, you... these are the people that will keep you sane and undeniably have your back even if you are a little misunderstood. so...trust me, hold on to them...tight. on the other hand you will run into those who will misinterpret your determination, your fire, your eagerness for...lets say, disinterest, toughness, and even arrogance. this is where things get tough...(and slightly upsetting if you ask me, but then again, you didn't ask, therefore i shouldn't have said a thing [insert lesson here])

now, this is where the lessons come into play. i need to learn/am learning to not be as forward, to not ask so many truthful questions (crazy right), and to be as patient as possible, of course all with good measure. i need to learn to swallow a little pride and trust what is best... yes, there are bigger decision makers out there than myself, my supervisors, relatives, or even mentors. however, realizing these things can absolutely be the hard part. but then again, truth be told there has to be something that will make this crazy twenty-somethingness all fall into place. right? [insert lesson here] 


so, (unfortunately for those who are the opposite)...i have to realize to be okay with people who will continue to tell me to Slow Down! because well, i want to be hungry, eager, less antsy and i want to come off confident to strangers, friends and family alike... but then again...it is all in the delivery. [insert lesson here]

on the flip side, all i really want to learn is how to enjoy something like this...