baby it's cold outside

winter kisses. so pretty.

i've found it

David Nail: The Sound of a Million Dreams
This song could not better fit what I have been trying to say about, "when a song hits you right".

Seger was singing words i could believe in

And Main Street was my street that night

so i called up Samantha and asked her the

chance of us 

runnin out 'neath the moonlight

well, she's not with me now, she can always

be found

when i rewind the radio dial

and like it was then i feel her on my skin

and im back there awhile

so i labor for hours cause i know the power

of a song when a song hits you right

pouring my soul into stories of life

hoping someone'll hear one tonight

maybe my voice will cut through the noise

and stir up an old memory

and out of these piano keys

comes the sound, the sound of a million dreams

my 18th summer i was a cocky up and comer

cranking up "Born to Run"

turned left out the drive with the pistons open wide

and i came back a prodigal son

my spirit was broken, she threw the door open

i love you not, i told you so

when i hear "Mama Tried" i still break down and cry

And pull to the side of the road

so i labor for hours cause i know the power

of a song when a song hits you right

pouring my soul into stories of life

hoping someone'll hear one tonight

maybe my voice will cut through the noise

and stir up an old memory

and out of these piano keys

comes the sound, the sound of a million dreams

so he says

as the story goes..."there is a reason for everything" but really people, really? is there a reason for everything? even as a child one asks "why?" it is human nature to question, to inquire and to push the edge... so, push as you will. 


along the trail of life, one looks for options, closes doors, and opens new windows...but with that comes trials, tribulations successes and answers. usually when the going gets tough, one says... all will work out, or it's the way it is supposed to be...or the casual, "god has a plan". now, this is all wonderful, but what about a thing called fate. you know that creepy kind. the kind where you think, you know what.. i am going to start making decisions, seeing what could happen, and maybe take a little risk. personally, to me it is the opposite of "there is a reason for everything". to me it shows well..this isn't working so let's try something else. the whole the way it's supposed to be..ain't workin'. next up?


now, when you finally make the decision to reach out, make some risks and take some changes.. he says "don't look elsewhere" [let's keep this vague for all intensive purposes]. now..to me, this is creepy. here is why... so, as a person who would rather take the high road, have things run their course and play it safe, it is always nice to have other options, you know see what other shoe may fit, but soon after making this decision, or well.. at least looking that way, one says... welp, don't do that, good things will happen. don't let the words of another push you out, and don't feel like you are not in the right place..


hmm..okay, well thanks for that. so let the confusion continue, and the clock tick. but i'll tell you what, he better be right...everything happens for a reason right? 

that ache

what makes people argue? or what about bicker, you know that nagging kind? what makes people think that they are right and automatically assume that the other is in the wrong? why is it so hard to admit ones fault? or why are there things in a relationship that make you want to go back to when it was a movie? you know, that chick flick kind. the time when you could stay up all night and talk? (does that even happen?) but then again... do we ever not want all of these things until the time? pretty needy if you ask me. sure the dates don't necessarily need the butterflies, and the awkward first kisses can willingly be a thing of the past..

as a woman, one assumes that the male does not feel or think like all of those love songs out there...but then again...the best songs are the ones where it's from a guys point of view. it evokes the "i wonder what he thinks" or "does he feel the same" or in most cases "no way a dude wrote this" [insert judgement here]

i know personally, distance is difficult, but where there is a will there is a way. with that being said, i want the edge, i want the umph, the sparkles and the shimmer. these things are all possible. trust me, i know, as do the lucky ones at one point or another. on the same topic, i love watching those who have umph... i horribly enough compare my life with the other...insert lesson here; never, ever do that. ever.

moving on...anyway, i am thankful for knowing what love is, feeling it and wanting it..but aching for it can be tough. really, aching for it.. the irritable, grumpy kind of ache. trust me, it's no fun. it sparks frustration, anger and jealousy. and well, mom always told me that green isn't my color. at all. but see, its not jealous in a negative way. (and i think i look good in green) its an anxious way, an "i want that" kind of way... so hey, maybe its the holidays, maybe its the mimosas, or welp...maybe its just that.. its the ache. here's to the flying of a few weeks.. because the holidays are better with company, and well.. at the Webster's, a stiff drink.

basket case

lyrics are a funny thing. i think lyrics are something that mean one thing, yet to another mean something else. it is a gift to be able to write something that so many can relate too... regardless of if they reflect on the same level one intended. lyrics are powerful, as is music...but lyrics are something that hit a soul and shake ones sensibility. they are something that can bring tears, or a realization that has otherwise been tough to come to prior. music in itself is something that has sparked passion and societal bracketing for decades. music has been noted prior to the 1800s. i am sure at this time music was just as a release to those who took part as it is today. there are genres for every style and that perfect song for every moment.

i feel like i write a decent amount about the little things... like music, the well..little things, family, love, communication and overall emotion... all good. right? anyway, music as i come back to it is something that in my life is constant. well sorda. sure, my style and likes change, probably even change with those who come in and out of my life...but with that being said i find myself always drawn to lyrics. the soul shattering, gut shaking kind. there are songs for anger, for frustration, for upset and for everything in between...hence why music is something that is constant...emotions are constant. 

i fascinate with the stories that lyrics tell, and how i mix them up to be my own or how i relate. i love the songs that put me back in a moment, a memory...those are the best.

Basket Case - Sara Bareilles

I don't want to talk about it to you

I'm not an open book that you can rifle through

The cold hard truth that you'll see right to

I'm just basket case without you

He's not a magic man or a perfect fit

But had a steady hand and I got used to it

And a glass cage heart and invited me in

And now I'm just a basket case without him

You're begging for the truth

So I'm saying it to you

I've been saving your place

And what good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case

Now I'm just a basket case

I don't say much and it'll stay that way

You got a steel train touch and I'm just a track you lay

So I'll stay right here underneath you

I'm just a basket case and that what we do

You're begging for the truth

So I'm saying it to you

I've been saving your place

And what good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case

Won't somebody come on in and tug at my seams?

Oh, send your armies in of robbers and thieves

To steal the state I'm in I don't want it anymore

You're begging for the truth

So I'm saying it to you

I've been saving your place

And what good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case 

holidays

there is something different, something special about the holidays. its a time where you think about all of things you are thankful for, you think about those you love, and those that have lost. you think about the good, the bad and all that is to come. those that have faltered have a new found hope for the future, and those that have been blessed continue to thank those who got them there. there is something different in the air, different in the eyes of loved ones, and something different about the meaning of love. its amazing that the holidays, the few weeks out of the year are a time where so many things can come to the forefront of ones mind...things that one should be thankful for all year around...but hey a few weeks out of the year is better than nothing.


so we give not to receive, but just to give. we don't expect much...well except for the brats, and we don't dare complain about seeing family... at least not in my house. family is a blessing because not all are lucky to have it, and gifts, well, that shouldn't matter...it never should matter. so this holiday i hope for the best. sure its a little shorter than i'd like because of work..but i'll tell you what, being able to look at the lights, smell the brisk air, and dress with a little bit of a sparkle is nice, no matter who its for...even if its for the one in the mirror. 


the holidays are a different time, so i urge those to go out and take a look around at the lights, drive by the houses you wish you'll live in one day and gawk at the decor, tell those you love them...even if you've told them already, buy a little something for those you care about, and yes, a card counts too. listen to music...loud, and bake a little something sweet, because no time is better than christmas time.

women

something struck me on the way down to south carolina this past week or so (ps. it is still amazing as ever..i'll get there, one day). anyway, women are a different species. women are competitive, driven, difficult, confusing, and usually hungry. not in the physical sense, but the "i want to succeed" sense. with that being said, each woman is incredibly similar in the way they think, they try and think and therefore the way they act. its absolutely hypnotizing to watch..especially as a woman myself. i still judge. but why the struggle...we all want and feel the same way..so what's the big deal after all? 


there is an old, well maybe old saying out there that women dress to impress ...well, other women. its a constant battlefield out there. is she skinnier than i, is she smarter, is she friendlier, or will she be more successful. there are questions like what i will look like when i am older, and what will i have accomplished. is being a mom enough? is climbing the corporate ladder more important? these are all questions that women today, and maybe always have asked themselves...and perhaps their closest girlfriends. there are civil rights movements, and well..there is title IX (look it up)... so again, what is the big deal?

women have a way of confiding in people, they are usually trusting... but not without putting up a guarded front. contradictory if you ask me. the "i don't want to be hurt" mentality is one seen by many...but who are we fooling.. women are usually the one doing the hurting. sorry I'm not sorry boys. 


anyway, i sometimes wonder why we cant all get along, why is there a sense of competition in the work place, or on the field, or hell...even at the salon...women are everywhere, and they usually have a perception all their own about how they themselves are perceived. it is my only hope that women stop saying "oh i don't care what people think"...and well..actually feel that way. because trust me boys, we are kinda crazy... sorry bout it. but with that being said...women are caring, they are literally made different by how they think and react, what they feel and how they handle emotion. 


yes, we are complicated, and well... we will be the best mother and friend we can be..most likely better than you. it is all relevant, and sure we are all individuals...but hell.. if you ask me...we all are the same...some are just a little more nuts than the next. good luck boys. i know, you deserve it...but shhh, don't tell 60% of the worlds population i said that.