Happy Birthday Mom & Dad

Tomorrow is my parents birthday. Yup, both of them. [insert ooohing and ahhhing] it always calls for a little reflection. here goes nothing...

as i get older, i am constantly,especially recently reminded that my parents are getting older too, and therefore, so are their parents. life is precious and short.. troubling times are always upon us whether its regarding financial challenges, sick loved ones or simple frustrations of marital bliss. but, through all if it, my parents have always been a reminder to have perspective, appreciation for others and an intense love and support for family and friends. over my lifetime, i have watched my parents grow as a couple in more ways than one and maybe more importantly as it relates to this post, they have grown as individuals too.

as i have gone off to college, moved around the country and had my own ups and downs, i have had the relationship with my mom and dad change almost every year in some way shape or form.
my mom laughs a lot more, at least when I'm around. she's more curious and open to new challenges. she is a little more patient as she gets older, and she gives forgiveness almost always. she also always loves with her whole heart (that part hasn't changed). my dad still may crave academia, throw himself into astronomy and stargaze for hours however, he's softer, he appreciates and acknowledges prayer as something that provides comfort, not just for others. he is still stubborn, and i am cut from the same mold, which maybe sometimes is why we passionately have our disagreements. i love him more than fireworks.

during this engagement of mine with my soon to be husband (saying that, well typing that is a little surreal) i have thought about my parents relationship with one another a lot. they are best friends. they stay up late and laugh, or not talk at all - just simply be together. they disagree, but they always figure it out. my dad cooks and my mom helps - they are a team, not just in the kitchen but throughout the week taking care of house and home. dad travels, mom keeps it together - that's never changed either. sometimes when i stop think of how i would handle the simple pressures of life, and during my minor yelling fit or flip out, i am immediately reminded of  the thought, what would my mom or dad have done - and i usually, to the best of my ability, try to react accordingly.

my parents always made birthdays special for me. always. unfortunately, i may not be able to spend the day shopping with my mom, or give my dad a 1 minute hug and then look at stupid youtube videos while laughing our butts off, but what i can do is simply give them the appreciation they deserve, something that maybe they don't hear as often as they should.

i've said it before and i'll say it again... my parents have and continue to teach me more about life, love, marriage as well as how to make this crazy world make sense regardless of being hundreds of miles away...even if sometimes, they are just figuring it out like the rest of us.

I love you Mom & Dad, Happy Birthday.
Celebrate with something special.
xxoo.

Ps. Please visit, like now.

valentines day

Valentine's Day is one of those silly holidays that at the end of the day don't mean much. the flowers are great the and the memories of how my mom and dad made the holiday special is really the best part for me. dad would buy me one of those 24 flavor jelly belly gift packs and mom would fill a box up with care and send it to whatever state i was in at that time. really, though... those fun memories aside, i think that the holiday is filled with pressure. pressure for the guy to be extravagant or sentimental and the chick to make perfectly shaped heart pancakes for that adorable insta picture. i can't even make regular pancakes let alone shapes... of any kind.

this valentines day though is a little bit different. we are engaged. we are staring forever in the face and today is just another reminder of that. but, let's be real... it's not all roses.

life can be hard. joe and i have wanted to move to south carolina ever since the day we each left it for bigger things. we envisioned sunshine, cobblestone streets and lots of free time. after a month or so of being here, we haven't really had any of those things. and as with anything, no one can truly prepare you for such substantial change. a new job, a new city, a new home, new people, new everything... all things that we embraced with tentative nature 2 months ago however, in life there are bound to be situations where the other gets frustrated or upset trying to make all the pieces fall into place. Valentines day or not.

i realize now, in a quiet apartment with joe at work again, no one needs to be the tough guy. we have to be honest and know that it is hard, but that we have each other. we have to let the other vent, we have to plug positivity when it fits and we have to take advantage of free time together and embrace all the things that are new with open arms. this place is not going to be 'home' just because the license says so. it's not going to be home because the sign on the door looks cute and has to be true. what makes a home is the people you share it with and i needed a reminder this valentines day to not take that for granted. no one can prepare you for things that are hard and times that are busier than you may have anticipated or wanted to accept. no one can fix that but we can control how we make ourselves (and others) feel.

soon enough, it will be warmer, the work events will become a little less frequent, friends and family will be visiting and we'll be suddenly saying I do and celebrating all that is yet to come. that should be what this valentine's day is about. not the chocolate, the flowers, or the gifts, but the fact that no matter if it is February 14th, July 3rd or November 4th...all the days in between are what make a true little love story special. my future brother in law said it best, "laugh when you can, stress when you need to and wake up knowing each day you're closer to happiness" - which is ultimately something, along with a little good timing, we control for ourselves.

so sure, there are a lot of pressures in life, valentines day pancakes included but i can confidently say like i have said many times before, having someone to come home to and be on your team makes the effort we put forth every single day all worth it.

Sunday in SC

The license may not say it... yet. But It's almost 1pm and I'm sitting at the island in my new apartment kitchen. the apartment that just happens to be in Greenville, SC. Joe is sleeping off that hangover he'll never tell you he has and I just finished hanging the last of the pictures. Fittingly, they were 2 of my grandfather's pictures. The 18th at Pebble Beach and a U.S. Open pin flag. They look great by the bar if I may say so myself.

Sundays in SC are going to be a great thing. Not just because my new gig technically isn't open on Mondays, but because with the windows open and the music on,  i'll be forced to remember where we live, where we lived, and of course all of the adventures that finally got us here. Joe has said a few times now, "can you believe we actually live here? has it really sunk in?". i respond yes, absolutely it has. he might also be nervous that as soon as the allure of living here wears off, i'll be miss negative nancy. but for the record, that won't be happening, promise. knowing that Charleston, Columbia, Charlotte and every other little favorite spot is only a short drive down the road proves to make sure things don't get old.

being further from family isn't the greatest thing and the comfort of having great friends in MA that I do absolutely miss won't be an easy adjustment, i know that. however, the apartment, the people, the sunsets and the lifestyle is an incredibly great feeling. (even if we are saturated in Tiger territory) I can't wait to entertain in our new hometown. flights are cheap and i can ensure that any guest we welcome into our little humble home will love the pool and cheap beer from across the street ;) visitors welcome.

cliff notes version

holy hell. where do i even begin?

by the way, cliff notes got me through college and it will also get you through this post.

the summer of 2015 will be one to remember, there is no doubt about that. the fact that i've still not discussed the craziness that was those three months is pretty pathetic.

for starters...on an inlet, at sunset, on the day before the 4th of July in Sea Isle, Joe asked me to be his wife. his words were perfect (those that i can actually remember while trying to turn my mind off...or on?). we were patient, on purpose. it was 6 years and 5 states in the making, but we did it. and how sweet it has been. it was quickly followed with a roller coaster of Boston accents, rock and roll, southern breezes and incredible laughs. the sparkle ain't too bad either.

we did that summer proud, no questions asked.

then fall happened. fall in New England is pretty great. another no doubt about it statement. we ultimately slacked off on the whole pumpkin carving tradition and spent our time being slightly productive by picking a wedding date, a venue, a photographer, a DJ and a fabulous freaking dress. we got some shit done to say the least. drops mic.

oh yeah, and henry did this. SOB.

then winter started.... not too bad this year, honestly. there hasn't been any snow and there's been minimal toe freezing frost. i'll take it.

that brings us here... December 2015. the cliff notes version.

On December 3rd, 2015..life happened. i almost find it difficult not to laugh out loud, or cry at a moments notice...still not really sure which one of those to do yet. i'll figure it out eventually. however, that morning Joe accepted the position as Director of Events at the Bon Secours Wellness Arena.

For those of you who don't know where that might be, it is in Greenville freaking South Carolina. I repeat, Greenville, South Carolina.

To state the obvious, we are moving. again.

So here we are...about to enjoy the holidays with family and friends alike, the last before we become husband and wife in the midst of packing boxes, tying up loose ends and getting set for our big trip south.

Only difference is, this time...we can actually throw the boxes out. finally. 

Champagne, y'all? ha!

it doesn't work like that

*previously written*

i'm bored. for some reason i need to have something to look forward to constantly, something to keep me busy and something that is always next. i can't just be. i'm not sure if it's my inability to sit back and breathe, or the fact that i just want more.

i want to make more memories, see more sunrises, take more pictures and travel to more exciting places. i guess that doesn't sound so bad, right?

the summer is over and last week we boarded a plane back to MA. in the jet way before stepping foot onto the big dreaded thing in the air that takes us away from the place we both wanted to stay he said, "well, say good bye to summer. it's officially over." i think my heart cracked right then and there, and now on a muggy Tuesday, just after a freezing Monday.... it cracks even more. why is it that summer is when all the fun is had and the colder months are for set aside for being miserable and confused. i'll tell you what, it's exhausting. sure i can control my own outlook. oh and i can't forget the pumpkins, and leaves and baking and all of that shit is great - but sometimes...it's not all what you think it's going to be. don't get me wrong i love fall, i love the clothes and the crisp air, the pumpkin spiced everything and the picture perfect yards. trust me... i do.

but, maybe its lack of patience? maybe i just know what else i want so much so, that not having it makes that first freeze or those no-fun, no more travel zone months that much worse? i hate being bored. i hate feeling unsettled and i hate being "lachrymose", as we like to say. so what is it? or, more importantly how do you fix it?

no matter what all the quotes on pinterst say and the chick flicks portray, life can't just be picked up and made "happily ever after" somewhere else. women, mid twenties today have it tough - i swear to you. we are surrounded by comparisons and could have should have been mindsets. nothing is ever good enough. the shirt never looks as good, the jeans never fit the way you want them too, the decorations never look like you think they are supposed too and well, the happily ever afters for personal and professional balance aren't as easy as just picking up and figuring it out. it doesn't work like that. period.

life, i've found so far is all about balance and learning that balance is tough. i shouldn't complain so much - i know that, but sometimes... doing a little venting is okay and if someone, well, anyone can see where i'm coming from, than it wasn't all a lost cause.

creating a challenge

*previously written*

there is something about a challenge. something about that one thing that pushes you to do better, act better, think better and eventually just be better. when i think of a challenge i think about pushing myself to do things without cutting corners or taking the easy way out. sure, don't get me wrong, sometimes my workouts aren't as long as they could be and the outfits i throw on on a Saturday night aren't the most thought out but that's not really what i'm talking about it. and i like my mismatched sock look sometimes, so there!

i'd like my life to be full of challenges - the good kind (not the death, sadness, heartbreak kind) when there are challenges there are opportunities to prove to yourself that "you got this" or that can you persevere.  with challenges we are able to think more of our own capabilities, think more highly of ourselves - the way we deserve too. i also think that with challenges, comes less boredom. and i hate being bored. that isn't to say that challenges are the only way to not be bored however in terms of work, professionally i find that challenges sharpen the mind, allow the brain to tick and keep motivation at an all time high. without challenges, there comes serious lack of motivation and i hate that.

i can recall at a "challenging" time at work while opening a building i'd get in a 7am, leave at 10pm and then get up and do it all over again. every day. i had energy. i had guts. it was actually kinda thrilling. speaking of work, i also love those co-operative work places. the kind that evoke conversation, friendly hello's and literally marinate in positive energy. Roanoke had these and for some reason, they were addicting and the style of work done inside these places led people like me to be jealous. these people were setting their own schedules, kicking ass at the jobs that they created for themselves and all things considered, making a decent living while doing it. from digital advertising to event management and consultation work, those jobs were stable and seemed challenging enough to allow someone to achieve dreams, not able to be done within the 9-5am framework. it seemed like a win win. maybe to me that is why creative marketing agency work, event management and freelance public relation or consulting work is so attractive. building a brand, creating a name and therefore challenging yourself to be better each and every day to succeed sounds like the perfect motivational piece missing from someone who sits behind a desk and daydreams about what else could be more fulfilling.

but is that really life? is that doable? sure, it absolutely is however, realistically i have to assume that these people do not have student loans, do not have debt and do not live in expensive apartments (because there is no other option) These people are able to approach the challenge at hand with full force and open arms. that part is important. open arm approach for challenges is intimidating for someone like me who feels restrained by the daily inconveniences called life. for example, i can't quit a job, take a few photography classes and start a company - that to me seems impossible, not just challenging. i can't start a marketing consulting business just because people have done it before and others say i'd be great at it. life, to me, doesn't work that way. i can't just go back to school and further my degree because, well, that costs money - and cheap or not, those loans on top of what i currently pay is enough to make me literally lose my mind no matter what state south of the mason Dixon line i decided to live in.

so sure, i need to create challenges in an effort to rid myself of the lachrymose feeling that is had when the cyclical feeling of life settles in. but how at 27 does one get to have what they know they want in the future, but also get what they think they need now?

31 years

Today is my parents wedding anniversary and they have been married for 31 years. So before the rest of the mush, it's important to say, Happy Anniversary and I love you both. xxoo.

When I stop and think about it, 31 years is a very long time and as i type this with a new sparkly diamond on my left hand, i can't say that I'm not impressed. After 6 years of dating, Joe and I are about to 'start all over' and as exciting as that is, its also a little nuts. It is nuts to think that out of any others, we have decided to commit ourselves to each other just as my parents did 31 years ago through the good times and harder yet, the knock down, drag out bad times. I am not the authority on relationships or marriages, however I do know that as I am about to embark on my own personal marriage journey, I have to give thanks to the two who through their own love story, taught me what a marriage is all about.

Just like many, my parents have absolutely fought, they have yelled, they have shed tears and I can bet that they may have wanted to walk away from it all on more than a one occasion but... they never did. And on the flip side, I've seen my parents experience loss, laugh like hell and continue to grow as a couple every single year. My parents have been married for a long time, and have also by my age, already had me. Hell, it seems like most parents back then while still trying to figure out who they were as individuals, where also now responsible for molding a new family too and if that isn't pressure, i don't know what is.

Thankfully, I have childhood memories that i will always cherish and i completely contribute to my parents. Holiday traditions, birthdays, after school snacks, family dinners, bath time, soccer games, weekend shenanigans with family friends and everything in between would not be the same if it weren't for my mom and dad working their asses off behind the scenes. As i get older, I can appreciate how much work it must have been to have dinners prepared, pay the bills on time, make sure the house is clean and on top of all of that, not want to take out all life's frustrations on the other person who's simply just trying to make it work too.

My parents have made it clear that they are a team. my dad is fiercely supportive of my mom and my mom bends over backwards to make it all just work for my dad, no matter what her own personal views on something may be. they love each other unconditionally, yet still allow the other to be true to themselves. They know what makes the other tick, and after 31 years, I've found that sometimes that could actually get tougher with time instead of easier.

i could pull up video hundreds tapes of my brother and I growing up and see the two people, my age, in the background smiling or laughing with the other, creating memories that I'm sure they will cherish for a lifetime. as life goes on and we all grow up, the fact that my parents are still there supporting one another, laughing and experiencing all that this life has to offer together is completely inspiring.

There's a quote that i recently stumbled upon that read "i want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding" and it has never meant more than it does today. As we work through hectic planning and exciting deadlines, i realize that it is more important than ever to build a marriage, not just a special day, and it is because of the examples of the people behind us that make that possible. Sure, no one says it will be easy, in fact, most will probably tell us that it's going to be hard but if my parents can keep it together for 31 years, and make it look that good...i am pretty damn excited for what is yet to come.