creating a challenge

*previously written*

there is something about a challenge. something about that one thing that pushes you to do better, act better, think better and eventually just be better. when i think of a challenge i think about pushing myself to do things without cutting corners or taking the easy way out. sure, don't get me wrong, sometimes my workouts aren't as long as they could be and the outfits i throw on on a Saturday night aren't the most thought out but that's not really what i'm talking about it. and i like my mismatched sock look sometimes, so there!

i'd like my life to be full of challenges - the good kind (not the death, sadness, heartbreak kind) when there are challenges there are opportunities to prove to yourself that "you got this" or that can you persevere.  with challenges we are able to think more of our own capabilities, think more highly of ourselves - the way we deserve too. i also think that with challenges, comes less boredom. and i hate being bored. that isn't to say that challenges are the only way to not be bored however in terms of work, professionally i find that challenges sharpen the mind, allow the brain to tick and keep motivation at an all time high. without challenges, there comes serious lack of motivation and i hate that.

i can recall at a "challenging" time at work while opening a building i'd get in a 7am, leave at 10pm and then get up and do it all over again. every day. i had energy. i had guts. it was actually kinda thrilling. speaking of work, i also love those co-operative work places. the kind that evoke conversation, friendly hello's and literally marinate in positive energy. Roanoke had these and for some reason, they were addicting and the style of work done inside these places led people like me to be jealous. these people were setting their own schedules, kicking ass at the jobs that they created for themselves and all things considered, making a decent living while doing it. from digital advertising to event management and consultation work, those jobs were stable and seemed challenging enough to allow someone to achieve dreams, not able to be done within the 9-5am framework. it seemed like a win win. maybe to me that is why creative marketing agency work, event management and freelance public relation or consulting work is so attractive. building a brand, creating a name and therefore challenging yourself to be better each and every day to succeed sounds like the perfect motivational piece missing from someone who sits behind a desk and daydreams about what else could be more fulfilling.

but is that really life? is that doable? sure, it absolutely is however, realistically i have to assume that these people do not have student loans, do not have debt and do not live in expensive apartments (because there is no other option) These people are able to approach the challenge at hand with full force and open arms. that part is important. open arm approach for challenges is intimidating for someone like me who feels restrained by the daily inconveniences called life. for example, i can't quit a job, take a few photography classes and start a company - that to me seems impossible, not just challenging. i can't start a marketing consulting business just because people have done it before and others say i'd be great at it. life, to me, doesn't work that way. i can't just go back to school and further my degree because, well, that costs money - and cheap or not, those loans on top of what i currently pay is enough to make me literally lose my mind no matter what state south of the mason Dixon line i decided to live in.

so sure, i need to create challenges in an effort to rid myself of the lachrymose feeling that is had when the cyclical feeling of life settles in. but how at 27 does one get to have what they know they want in the future, but also get what they think they need now?