it doesn't work like that

*previously written*

i'm bored. for some reason i need to have something to look forward to constantly, something to keep me busy and something that is always next. i can't just be. i'm not sure if it's my inability to sit back and breathe, or the fact that i just want more.

i want to make more memories, see more sunrises, take more pictures and travel to more exciting places. i guess that doesn't sound so bad, right?

the summer is over and last week we boarded a plane back to MA. in the jet way before stepping foot onto the big dreaded thing in the air that takes us away from the place we both wanted to stay he said, "well, say good bye to summer. it's officially over." i think my heart cracked right then and there, and now on a muggy Tuesday, just after a freezing Monday.... it cracks even more. why is it that summer is when all the fun is had and the colder months are for set aside for being miserable and confused. i'll tell you what, it's exhausting. sure i can control my own outlook. oh and i can't forget the pumpkins, and leaves and baking and all of that shit is great - but sometimes...it's not all what you think it's going to be. don't get me wrong i love fall, i love the clothes and the crisp air, the pumpkin spiced everything and the picture perfect yards. trust me... i do.

but, maybe its lack of patience? maybe i just know what else i want so much so, that not having it makes that first freeze or those no-fun, no more travel zone months that much worse? i hate being bored. i hate feeling unsettled and i hate being "lachrymose", as we like to say. so what is it? or, more importantly how do you fix it?

no matter what all the quotes on pinterst say and the chick flicks portray, life can't just be picked up and made "happily ever after" somewhere else. women, mid twenties today have it tough - i swear to you. we are surrounded by comparisons and could have should have been mindsets. nothing is ever good enough. the shirt never looks as good, the jeans never fit the way you want them too, the decorations never look like you think they are supposed too and well, the happily ever afters for personal and professional balance aren't as easy as just picking up and figuring it out. it doesn't work like that. period.

life, i've found so far is all about balance and learning that balance is tough. i shouldn't complain so much - i know that, but sometimes... doing a little venting is okay and if someone, well, anyone can see where i'm coming from, than it wasn't all a lost cause.