cliff notes version

holy hell. where do i even begin?

by the way, cliff notes got me through college and it will also get you through this post.

the summer of 2015 will be one to remember, there is no doubt about that. the fact that i've still not discussed the craziness that was those three months is pretty pathetic.

for starters...on an inlet, at sunset, on the day before the 4th of July in Sea Isle, Joe asked me to be his wife. his words were perfect (those that i can actually remember while trying to turn my mind off...or on?). we were patient, on purpose. it was 6 years and 5 states in the making, but we did it. and how sweet it has been. it was quickly followed with a roller coaster of Boston accents, rock and roll, southern breezes and incredible laughs. the sparkle ain't too bad either.

we did that summer proud, no questions asked.

then fall happened. fall in New England is pretty great. another no doubt about it statement. we ultimately slacked off on the whole pumpkin carving tradition and spent our time being slightly productive by picking a wedding date, a venue, a photographer, a DJ and a fabulous freaking dress. we got some shit done to say the least. drops mic.

oh yeah, and henry did this. SOB.

then winter started.... not too bad this year, honestly. there hasn't been any snow and there's been minimal toe freezing frost. i'll take it.

that brings us here... December 2015. the cliff notes version.

On December 3rd, 2015..life happened. i almost find it difficult not to laugh out loud, or cry at a moments notice...still not really sure which one of those to do yet. i'll figure it out eventually. however, that morning Joe accepted the position as Director of Events at the Bon Secours Wellness Arena.

For those of you who don't know where that might be, it is in Greenville freaking South Carolina. I repeat, Greenville, South Carolina.

To state the obvious, we are moving. again.

So here we are...about to enjoy the holidays with family and friends alike, the last before we become husband and wife in the midst of packing boxes, tying up loose ends and getting set for our big trip south.

Only difference is, this time...we can actually throw the boxes out. finally. 

Champagne, y'all? ha!

it doesn't work like that

*previously written*

i'm bored. for some reason i need to have something to look forward to constantly, something to keep me busy and something that is always next. i can't just be. i'm not sure if it's my inability to sit back and breathe, or the fact that i just want more.

i want to make more memories, see more sunrises, take more pictures and travel to more exciting places. i guess that doesn't sound so bad, right?

the summer is over and last week we boarded a plane back to MA. in the jet way before stepping foot onto the big dreaded thing in the air that takes us away from the place we both wanted to stay he said, "well, say good bye to summer. it's officially over." i think my heart cracked right then and there, and now on a muggy Tuesday, just after a freezing Monday.... it cracks even more. why is it that summer is when all the fun is had and the colder months are for set aside for being miserable and confused. i'll tell you what, it's exhausting. sure i can control my own outlook. oh and i can't forget the pumpkins, and leaves and baking and all of that shit is great - but sometimes...it's not all what you think it's going to be. don't get me wrong i love fall, i love the clothes and the crisp air, the pumpkin spiced everything and the picture perfect yards. trust me... i do.

but, maybe its lack of patience? maybe i just know what else i want so much so, that not having it makes that first freeze or those no-fun, no more travel zone months that much worse? i hate being bored. i hate feeling unsettled and i hate being "lachrymose", as we like to say. so what is it? or, more importantly how do you fix it?

no matter what all the quotes on pinterst say and the chick flicks portray, life can't just be picked up and made "happily ever after" somewhere else. women, mid twenties today have it tough - i swear to you. we are surrounded by comparisons and could have should have been mindsets. nothing is ever good enough. the shirt never looks as good, the jeans never fit the way you want them too, the decorations never look like you think they are supposed too and well, the happily ever afters for personal and professional balance aren't as easy as just picking up and figuring it out. it doesn't work like that. period.

life, i've found so far is all about balance and learning that balance is tough. i shouldn't complain so much - i know that, but sometimes... doing a little venting is okay and if someone, well, anyone can see where i'm coming from, than it wasn't all a lost cause.

creating a challenge

*previously written*

there is something about a challenge. something about that one thing that pushes you to do better, act better, think better and eventually just be better. when i think of a challenge i think about pushing myself to do things without cutting corners or taking the easy way out. sure, don't get me wrong, sometimes my workouts aren't as long as they could be and the outfits i throw on on a Saturday night aren't the most thought out but that's not really what i'm talking about it. and i like my mismatched sock look sometimes, so there!

i'd like my life to be full of challenges - the good kind (not the death, sadness, heartbreak kind) when there are challenges there are opportunities to prove to yourself that "you got this" or that can you persevere.  with challenges we are able to think more of our own capabilities, think more highly of ourselves - the way we deserve too. i also think that with challenges, comes less boredom. and i hate being bored. that isn't to say that challenges are the only way to not be bored however in terms of work, professionally i find that challenges sharpen the mind, allow the brain to tick and keep motivation at an all time high. without challenges, there comes serious lack of motivation and i hate that.

i can recall at a "challenging" time at work while opening a building i'd get in a 7am, leave at 10pm and then get up and do it all over again. every day. i had energy. i had guts. it was actually kinda thrilling. speaking of work, i also love those co-operative work places. the kind that evoke conversation, friendly hello's and literally marinate in positive energy. Roanoke had these and for some reason, they were addicting and the style of work done inside these places led people like me to be jealous. these people were setting their own schedules, kicking ass at the jobs that they created for themselves and all things considered, making a decent living while doing it. from digital advertising to event management and consultation work, those jobs were stable and seemed challenging enough to allow someone to achieve dreams, not able to be done within the 9-5am framework. it seemed like a win win. maybe to me that is why creative marketing agency work, event management and freelance public relation or consulting work is so attractive. building a brand, creating a name and therefore challenging yourself to be better each and every day to succeed sounds like the perfect motivational piece missing from someone who sits behind a desk and daydreams about what else could be more fulfilling.

but is that really life? is that doable? sure, it absolutely is however, realistically i have to assume that these people do not have student loans, do not have debt and do not live in expensive apartments (because there is no other option) These people are able to approach the challenge at hand with full force and open arms. that part is important. open arm approach for challenges is intimidating for someone like me who feels restrained by the daily inconveniences called life. for example, i can't quit a job, take a few photography classes and start a company - that to me seems impossible, not just challenging. i can't start a marketing consulting business just because people have done it before and others say i'd be great at it. life, to me, doesn't work that way. i can't just go back to school and further my degree because, well, that costs money - and cheap or not, those loans on top of what i currently pay is enough to make me literally lose my mind no matter what state south of the mason Dixon line i decided to live in.

so sure, i need to create challenges in an effort to rid myself of the lachrymose feeling that is had when the cyclical feeling of life settles in. but how at 27 does one get to have what they know they want in the future, but also get what they think they need now?

31 years

Today is my parents wedding anniversary and they have been married for 31 years. So before the rest of the mush, it's important to say, Happy Anniversary and I love you both. xxoo.

When I stop and think about it, 31 years is a very long time and as i type this with a new sparkly diamond on my left hand, i can't say that I'm not impressed. After 6 years of dating, Joe and I are about to 'start all over' and as exciting as that is, its also a little nuts. It is nuts to think that out of any others, we have decided to commit ourselves to each other just as my parents did 31 years ago through the good times and harder yet, the knock down, drag out bad times. I am not the authority on relationships or marriages, however I do know that as I am about to embark on my own personal marriage journey, I have to give thanks to the two who through their own love story, taught me what a marriage is all about.

Just like many, my parents have absolutely fought, they have yelled, they have shed tears and I can bet that they may have wanted to walk away from it all on more than a one occasion but... they never did. And on the flip side, I've seen my parents experience loss, laugh like hell and continue to grow as a couple every single year. My parents have been married for a long time, and have also by my age, already had me. Hell, it seems like most parents back then while still trying to figure out who they were as individuals, where also now responsible for molding a new family too and if that isn't pressure, i don't know what is.

Thankfully, I have childhood memories that i will always cherish and i completely contribute to my parents. Holiday traditions, birthdays, after school snacks, family dinners, bath time, soccer games, weekend shenanigans with family friends and everything in between would not be the same if it weren't for my mom and dad working their asses off behind the scenes. As i get older, I can appreciate how much work it must have been to have dinners prepared, pay the bills on time, make sure the house is clean and on top of all of that, not want to take out all life's frustrations on the other person who's simply just trying to make it work too.

My parents have made it clear that they are a team. my dad is fiercely supportive of my mom and my mom bends over backwards to make it all just work for my dad, no matter what her own personal views on something may be. they love each other unconditionally, yet still allow the other to be true to themselves. They know what makes the other tick, and after 31 years, I've found that sometimes that could actually get tougher with time instead of easier.

i could pull up video hundreds tapes of my brother and I growing up and see the two people, my age, in the background smiling or laughing with the other, creating memories that I'm sure they will cherish for a lifetime. as life goes on and we all grow up, the fact that my parents are still there supporting one another, laughing and experiencing all that this life has to offer together is completely inspiring.

There's a quote that i recently stumbled upon that read "i want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding" and it has never meant more than it does today. As we work through hectic planning and exciting deadlines, i realize that it is more important than ever to build a marriage, not just a special day, and it is because of the examples of the people behind us that make that possible. Sure, no one says it will be easy, in fact, most will probably tell us that it's going to be hard but if my parents can keep it together for 31 years, and make it look that good...i am pretty damn excited for what is yet to come.