these are the things that i think about alot... the random moments, instances, and thoughts that fill ones subconscious actions and mind on a daily basis. ive decided that people are complicated creatures. they dwell on things that don't mean anything, they sit and think about things frontwards and backwards before taking action, they reminisce regardless of why what they are reminiscing about is simply a memory, and most of all they tell themselves "it is what it is" even though what it is...could be, even should be very different than well, what it is.
on any given day the human brain has approx 63,000 thoughts [thank you wikipedia]. so when you are at a stop light and you meet eyes with the person next to you, and think "i wonder what they are thinking" it becomes clear that these consist of ideas, notions, and comments that one asks themselves and perhaps others (hence the blog) regularly. now, they might not all be intelligent, or even conversational topics but they are certainly part of the reason you are who you are, or are part of the reason why you have the personality that you do. now, i know personally i could think myself upside down. ex-boyfriends and my mom alike will tell you that i over analyze everything, which is probably reason for the anxiety but lets be honest here... with 63,000 thoughts to fill.. who wouldnt over analyze? me, i tend to think about past relationships; the good kind and the bad. i think about the flings and the crazy what if's. i think about the future and about what i want and why. i think about family and friends, and most importantly i think about others.
sure, i think about others in the sense 'oh i wonder how so and so is doing', or 'i should send a card to him or her' but more deeply, i think about what others are thinking, or how they are feeling, or what they are doing. i think about why people do what they do, or for that matter, why people don't do what they should. i think about what other people are thinking, as again any ex boyfriend will tell you a favorite question of mine is; "what are thinking"...and that is real life people. its like an obsession, and i from the bottom my my stomach, can't tell you the reason why i care.
so here i am of course wondering why am i so obsessed with reminiscing, or feeling as though i need to know what others are thinking, or even doing for that matter. i've gotten past caring if people are judging, at least i think so anyway, and i have moved on from the slight paranoia that used to haunt me younger years...so why when i sit at as stop light, and face the left and look at the driver next to me do i think "i wonder what he is thinking", or "i wonder if he is thinking the same thing i am"...and after getting so in my own head, and normally being honked at for missing the green light.. i ask myself..."hello mcfly, what are you doing?!"
i wouldn't consider my self a deep thinker, because well, anyone can get "deep", and i certainly wouldn't call myself introverted, although there is always a time to keep to oneself... i honestly think, well...i just like to think... alot. it makes me who i am, and it drives the people i love around me crazy, this i know must true. those that know me best know that if something is wrong, i tend to obsess. if something is lost, i wont sleep until i find it. if i have something to share, i tell too many wrong details before spitting it out. if something is funny, i lose your interest before getting to the punch line, and if i am giddy, i think about the white picket fence and shabby chic curtains before catching your name...and that, is just the way that it is with me. so, with each person having a different 63,000 thoughts a day...i think that it is okay to wonder of whose notions i cross, even of just a few...don't you?
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