remember it

country music stars sing about it, (ie; example A, example B) Nicholas Sparks writes about it and well, girls like me have lived it. it is something that runs deep, brings scars and teaches a lot of lessons. it allows you to speak of pasts thinking that you'd be their future. it has taught me to live, learn and move on and up...or down. but, what about moving back?

it's through small town memories that you learn to take the good with the bad, enjoy a back road and single stop light towns.... its those small towns that teach you how to love, live and breathe the way that small towns intend for you too. its through small towns that the knee scrapes and high school heartache will always feel fresh and it is the same thing that make all those big cities seem just a little scarier. 

everyone comes from a place they call home. my home is a place that i can smell, touch and breathe in as if standing right on the edge of the high school parking lot, or curb of the driveway. i remember everything just a little too well. the good, the bad and the scary. sometimes i wonder if it is because of the waves from familiar strangers or the comfortable red barns and faded yellow dashed lines that makes the connection to future possibility and curiosity a bit more difficult to taste. i wonder if it is because of the lessons learned in a place so confined that it does not allow for you to really take the next exit? i somehow feel like there is a sense of belonging to what was to a time and place that still is...

meanwhile i find myself at 24 thinking more about home, and what home means to me or to those who i have grown up around. i chose to run, fast and far. so sure, most were happy with what they had, and well still have. i  just simply chose to pick up move away. to live in a place that was not as full of back roads where i could hear the same songs play in my head, or see the street signs that triggered automatic discontent. and now with leaving, comes growing. and with growing comes a sense of belonging to what has made me think and feel the way i do today. sure, i may see the high school sweethearts still going strong, or the old soccer fields with our sweat in the same dirt but do you really ever lose sight of what will always be home? no matter how far or fast you run?


Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I´d like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But your keep my old scarf from that very first week
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well yeah