Since August...

If I'm looking at it right, it's been since August that I've even logged in. it's been since August I've even thought about pulling up a blank page and typing my mindless thoughts away. it's been since August that I've jumped. it's been since august and well, it feels great.

Since August I have;

• Been on a Charleston blitz trip filled with a simply perfect "The Notebook" tour, Hootie and the Blowfish x2, met up with friends and felt sweet southern breezes
• Moved to VA
• Finalized décor for the new apartment
• Oh yeah, moved into a new apartment
• Worn jeans and a sweatshirt for the first time in probably a year
• Accepted a job offer
• Visited family in PA for a weekend of love and laughter
• Started a new job
• Bought a new car

Now, that may not seem like a lot (uh.. just kidding) but this weekend will be filled with Gamecocks, relaxing and cruising with the windows down and it couldn't be more enticing. Gone are the weekends where Friday came and solo nights at the apartment would ruin anyone's mood. Thankfully gone are the Mondays where I needed to just get up and do it all over again, only looking forward to a few months down the road for the next trip "home" or down to Ft. Meyers , or maybe a visitor to brighten my spirits.

Since August I have closed my eyes, taken a leap of faith and gotten completely out of my comfort zone. Since August I have realized that family, friends and the love in between will get you through any scary or difficult time all the while teach you how to handle it with grace.

Since August, I've felt like a little bit more "me" and it feels great.

25 meets crazy meets opportunity

It hasn't been easy, it absolutely hasn't been easy. However, the decisions I make are mine and they are passionate in every meaning of the word.

I could find pages and pages of quotes that speak about living your life, being happy, takings risks and loving the life you make. They are mostly about happiness and how challenges make you stronger or not to have regrets. for some one who absolutely loves quotes, my recent decisions can not be made because a quote on a block of wood, a sign or on a screen says it's going to be okay. there is not a quote in the world that can look at you back in the mirror and tell you that you made a mistake, that you are taking a risk that is too big or that you are absolutely crazy... in every meaning of the word.

I am 25 and in two weeks I won't have an office to hang my diploma in. I'm 25 and may be not where I thought I'd be at this moment but what I do know is that "life is what happens when you're trying to make a living" and that is one quote that could not be more true. I am 25 and surrounded by support... support that I never thought would be there even if I planned it to be that way. I am 25 and opportunity is at my door. I am 25 making a life AND a living and for me, that is what after 25 years, I have learned is most important.

When I think about that word "opportunity" I think about it in the professional and personal definition. Professionally, I know that my skills will lead me to doors that I am fully capable of opening - a challenge that I am willing to accept.  I know that hard work, perseverance and support will open the doors I want badly enough. Confidence is key. Personally I think about being able to drive home to see family in an afternoon, literally 1 afternoon. I think about seeing my Dad's gigs, attending family parties, weekends at the mountains and beach excursions. I think about attending Carolina football games or making snacks for the road games while sitting on the couch with company (an actual human!). I think about sitting on a porch, in the fall, with coffee and seeing the boy on the other end of the table and thinking..."finally". It makes my heart light and my shoulders even lighter, and for me that is something I haven't felt in a very very long time. 

Opportunity is at my door and I am staring the challenge in the face. Opportunity is a word most commonly used by optimists, considering the origin. I am not an optimist. I am a realist and some my even say a pessimist but at this time in my life, at 25 years young... i have never seen opportunity like this.

I think I agree, maybe?

"Follow your passion is bad career advice" - Huffington Post

Interesting read - CLICK HERE

I have always been a go-getter if you will. the kind of person that likes to be challenged and then succeed. i mean, who doesn't? i wouldn't say that i settle or that i am content with just going through the motions. i am not the kind of person that is professionally fulfilled living in my small town, having a small job and leading a "simple" life. i don't think i really have ever been that way. i do know that i want my cake and i'd like to eat it too. but, when you think about passion or happiness or you think abut what makes you want to enjoy your life to the fullest...following your passion might seem like a good idea.... until now. 

i read this article last night and it takes the wondrous spirit every young twenty-something has and questions the motive. unfortunately, i think i agree with it? what about you?

"Year after year, you perform work that makes full use of your skills and challenges you to develop new ones. Your work not only interests you, it gives you a sense of meaning. You enjoy opportunities for learning and development. You work with people who energize you. You are confident that your skills and competencies make you valuable and marketable and that you can access opportunities through your network. You are able to fit your work together with the other things in your life that are important to you, like family, friends, and leisure."

this article begs the question, "Is it better to discover your passion, or develop it?" and like i mentioned, i seem to think the latter. 

it can be "easy" to want to pack up, pick up and move on in search for what you are passionate about. it could be photography, it could be traveling, it could be the arts or even science...all things that people so carelessly in a moments notice can make big life decisions in an attempt to obtain. what makes this idea even more challenging is witnessing people who have followed "their passion" and don't actually work a day in their lives (or their new lives) because they love their job that much. you know the kind... the photographers, the mom bloggers or the artists that can actually make a living (a comfortable one at that, doing what they feel they are set on this earth to do) I'm fairly certain Confucius once said something along those lines.

"Instead of focusing on passion, look deeply at what energizes you, what you find rewarding, what you're good at and what comes to you easily. Valcour advises examining your high and low points at work, and identifying the times that you felt more energized, engaged and fulfilled -- and why you felt this way."

i think being self aware in situations like these are important for discovering what makes you happy and fulfilled or simply content...therefore passionate about life, not just a profession. everyone has dreams, or at least they should, but it might not always be the right career move to chase them if you could be passionate about what you have in front of you. 

now, if you've tried to engage with your surroundings and develop your passion, and still are in search for something more then it might be time to discover something else.

like i said, i think i agree, maybe?

Traveling mind

I'm not a world traveler, I'm not a "preferred access" flyer or even a public transportation pro. I am however, a traveling mind. I've had a few zip codes and I hold on to my rubber-ware storage bins because I am sure to use them every few years or so. It's not something I really wished for, nor really something that I "enjoy". however, with all of that said and because of my little imperfect game plan, I am certainly a traveling mind.

sure, it's been a while since my last post and I've without a doubt lost my mind once or twice since then but in my travels recently, I've been able to think about a variety of things. they are as follows;

1. i'm tired. i'm always tired. call it a post graduate problem or PGP, or call it being lame... all I know is that living on my own makes me tired. i go to bed early and i can still wake up late. when i travel... it only gets worst therefore making me even more boring than usual. i have also found that i for some reason have more energy in the following places; beach bars, while getting ready to go out with a cold beer in my hand, in Columbia sc, and while driving through Perkasie at dusk. yep, all true.

2. my brother is a positive soul. he is absolutely beaming with optimism and good energy. he never ever complains even after working a tough, messy job standing on his feet all day. no matter what, when you ask my brother how his day at work went "it was great!" ... talk about perspective. i took notes from his book this weekend. - he also stays up very late...he's a good egg and clearly much more fun than i am.

3. my patience for airports and people in airports is not high....and is shrinking by the trip. i am not a Ron Paul supporter or crazy anti-tsa creep, BUT mark my words, there are plenty of weird old men that work those "screening" booths and enjoy it. yes, i just said that. and yes, it's a fact.

4. it is important to spend time with your grandparents, even if it is just an hour or so. their time is precious and they are the real "travelers".... of life. and that, that's pretty interesting conversation if you ask me. conversation that I miss when i'm by myself hundreds of miles away.

5. i don't talk when i eat. my mom thinks it's because i live alone. i think she is right. it was funny when she pointed that out, even more funny that it is entirely true.

6. gin blossom's pandora station is awesome. i recommend it when hanging out with family and friends during your "travels" and late nights. you're welcome.

7. i miss my dog. a lot. i've missed his first swim and his first night's sleep outside of a crate and well, that really really sucks.

8. i'm not outdoorsy. i think that the mountains are pretty and i think that the water that runs through the Rockies is the best i've ever drank but, i'm not outdoorsy. i also don't like driving on winding roads up 11,000 feet. in the back of a bus. period... never again.

9. i have a new song that makes me cry. it is perfect for flying, or leaving your family, or sitting alone or driving slow. sara bareilles - satellite call.

10. i want to be more of a live in the moment kind of person. i've tried. it's not in my guts and it makes me mad when it is brought to my attention... i can only do so much, but i'll work on it, or at least continue to be self aware and act like it doesn't bother me.

11. home cooked meals are always better when they are cooked by your parents. i've tried to make some good home cooked meals but they never turn out as great as something cooked on the grill in your old back yard or something that has the love of 3 other people to enjoy it with you... i'll have to work on that too.

12. the concept of "vacation days" make me cringe. i live my life on "vacation days" or the lack there of. i hate that "vacation days" are so hard to come by and so short lived. my life is a "vacation day". i NEED more vacation days. but then again, who doesn't?... add it to the "work on it" list.

13. no matter the hassle, the frustrating baggage claims, or even the long delays and traffic jams...whatever is at the crux of the traveling, it's always worth it. seeing family, laughing loud, eating good eats, and exploring new things are always worth it. sure, i may not think that at the time...but right about now, flying 35,000 feet over the distance between me and everyone else...i always realize it is worth it. 

better late than never. right?

that old CD collection you keep...

where is it? where is that box or case or drawer of old CD's you keep? oh and why do you keep them? do you expect them to be worth gold some day? do you expect them to bring you back to your "adolescent crying on a pillow at your first love" nights, or what about because well...they are just too damn good to get rid of? i pick the latter.

i have about oh, let's say...80 CD's. I have CD's from every year in middle school, every year and summer in HS and even a few from after when i was convinced that the whole iPod thing would surely fizzle. boy was i wrong, but boy am i glad that i have these gems to bring me back to the good ole days...well sorda. these CD's are in real rough shape. some of them are chipped, cracked, straight up shattered and yet i still keep them? why? WHY?! what is the point? they aren't going to play, and if anything..they will probably break whatever old school CD player i bring out to try my attempt. whatever, i'll assure myself it was worth another try.

this morning was a good morning. i found a CD from my old desktop computer. the CD simply had "A-B" written on it in a messy green sharpie. i assume it was my attempt to show what section of my music library these songs were from... uh, let's just say i was wrong.

this morning alone i was able to rock out to the following;

• Eminem - Toy Soldiers (jam)
• Avril Lavigne
• Some random Christian Pop song
• Ra (uhhhh?)
• Ja Rule - i think it was "always on time"
• B. Spears
• Blessed Union of Souls
• Something awesome from the Hardball Soundtrack (sick movie)
• Oh and my favorite 2Pac - "Changes"

now, i'm fairly certain this CD somehow has about 200 songs on it and after the first few, i can assure you i'll be takin' a little better care of this gem. and for all of you who have a box of CD's...break them out and enjoy a good laugh or two. as a matter of fact, it took me an extra 10 minutes to get out of my car today. with songs like the ones above, who wouldn't want to re-live the good life for a just a few minutes before shaking your head and laughing at yourself before snapping back to reality?

the "mystery or blank title" cd,
 the I can only assume "Dane Cook - Limewire stolen jams -  more mystery songs" cd,
 and "My Mix!"....

 welp, this should be interesting...

dad- the real rockstar

my dad is a rockstar. not only is he an unbelievable dad, but he is in a band. his band books gigs, they get paid to play, they have a website and a small little fan club. he's kind of a big deal. my dad really is a rockstar.

i could talk about the music thing, the drum thing, the i can't go home without seeing drumsticks and a practice pad on the counter thing, or i can talk about the real rockstar thing. and well, considering the whole father's day weekend thing... i'll go with the real rockstar gig he stars in. the dad gig.

my dad is unlike any other dad. he is passionate. he is strong-willed. he is stubborn. he is a giver. he is hilarious. my dad is one hell of a dad. when i think of my dad i think of all of these things and plenty more. but when i think of my dad and i, i am immediately a little girl being dropped off at seedlings pre-school, or hanging out on a tuesday night with epic desserts and Full House. i am right back in Silverdale, Pa on a snow day being pushed down our driveway into the white street ahead  (no traffic was coming, i swear). i am listening to Yes, "Tempted" by Squeeze or crazy Luau music in the living room. i am waiting up late until he's back from his work trip anxious to see what he brought home from his worldly travels. (usually it was a pin that represented the sate. i still have all of them. the Puffin from Alaska was my favorite - i think it was Alaska?) i can remember being a little girl with my dad more than anything else while growing up. i am without a doubt a dads girl, and i am without a doubt my fathers daughter.

i am stubborn.
i am passionate.
i am smart.
i am loyal.
i am sarcastic.
i am my fathers daughter.

among every beautiful memory of my dad and all of the exciting moments to come, i remember what it was like that one Christmas when it all could have been different. thankfully, we have had plenty Christmas's since and i am so thankful for that and every little inside joke we have shared since. now, i hold more closely the way he signs his notes, emails or texts...always xxoo versus the normal xoxo. i never go a day without looking at the note he handed me on the entryway of Sims in the women's quad at South Carolina as I stepped out of my dorm and into the next four years of my life and most important, there is never a day that i am not working hard to make sure he is proud...ever.

so from all the fathers days prior, to always being my valentine in all the years ahead, i love you dad. keep rockin' out. you're a great rockstar, and a great drummer.

love, me.
xxoo.

rockstar; the drummer kind.

pitiful

it is rainy today. it is a tropical weather humid rain. maybe not pitiful, but today, for me, it does beg the question...what is? what is pitiful that i feel the need to shed some light on... why, you ask? i. have. no. clue....

so here we go; things i find pitiful.

1. freshman. as i wrote that i actually laughed out loud. today at a stoplight (in the rain) i watched a freshman (he had to be) dressed up as if he cared who was looking holding a campus map. i'd assume he was lost on the way to his second summer semester class, or he just couldn't remember how he got there the first 6 times. if you ask me, freshman are painfully pitiful.

2. my dog, henry. henry is probably the saddest puppy this side of the state. he doesn't have too many friends, he never really gets to run and play for fear i won't be able to get him back once he gets scared of a leaf and takes off, and well...he has the droopiest little eyes you could ever imagine. sometimes i tell him, "don't worry henry, your life won't always suck and you certainly won't always be this pitiful". i wonder if he believes me?

3. did i say freshman? sorry, just kidding. sorda.

4. my obsession with Scandal. seriously, i'm obsessed. i find myself thinking of the unsolved mysteries they try and figure out in Olivia's office. i am looking forward to watching the next episode before the current one is even over and i love fitz.  no seriously, i love him. and well...that, that is pretty pitiful.

5. those people that hold up advertisements outside. all. day. long. now that is pitiful. i mean who has the patience to stand in one place, or within steps of one another all day long holding up a sign for, let's say Blimpie, or Little Caesars Pizza? seriously? if that is not pitiful, i don't know what is. more power to ya...

6. over the top obsessions. call me crazy or say that i just have a lack of anything to be passionate about but i think that crazy obsessions about anything or anyone famous is just sad. i don't care if you are obsessed with Justin Beiber, your favorite band or that you keep a signature from your favorite player next to your nightstand. do yourself a favor and keep it together. i also hope that if ever given the chance to actually meet whoever or whatever it is you are obsessed with that you don't pee your pants or throw up on anyone around you. not only is that pitiful, but it's incredibly embarrassing. good luck. (And Joe, i know you love Bono, but it's okay..i still love you ;-))

7. cargo shorts. need i say more?

8. horrible selfies. look, i am not saying that i haven't snapped a few cute pictures while sitting at a light or before going out all dolled up, it's a fact, i admit it. what i will say about selfies is that there is a correct way to do it. see here. [duh] so for all of those horrible selfie takers out there...better luck next time. you're pitiful, thanks for sharing though.

so there ya have it, just a few things i find painfully pitiful. you can thank the rain for this random gem...