brutal

when you think about your adolescence you think about how crazy and or ridiculous you were. well, at least i do.  you think about how you were dis-respectful to your parents you were, how you wore absolutely horrible clothing (and thought you looked good - how that is possible i still can't figure out) and the occasional relationship you had, good or bad. for me... its slightly well, scattered?

sure, plenty of boys all harmless, plenty of bad outfits, and a lot of hit or misses. regardless it made me realize when you are younger  how REAL everything seems. there wasn't a day that went by that i didn't take myself too seriously. i was wound up then, which means i am even more wound up now and i had stress then which seems absolutely ridiculous now that i think about it, and well.. relationships then, should have been easy, because now a days, well, they aren't. friendships and boyships alike. yes, boyships.

i think about my brother, totally carefree..however stressed tendencies tendencies may be an understatement.. so hell, i'll blame it on my parents... isn't that the right thing to do? he has had his lovely girlfriend for, oh, i don't know... 9 years maybe? precious right? i think so too...however, not to diminish the reality of that relationship, but for some reason i think, well i think they think that its a match made in heaven, probably just like every other HS relationship we had along the way... which brings me to my next point..

HS sweethearts do exist... example, my parents went to HS together, met, married, had a family. perfect. right? so if that is not a good example i don't know what is...but when you are out of HS, ya know... in the real world, how could you have possibly thought that it would have worked?  how could you have possibly thought THAT was what was right? i feel like in HS or even shortly thereafter your skewed. your ambitions are set too the wind, not necessarily a bad thing but none the less are well, scattered. 

so cheers to those who made it, and cheers to those who didn't because it is different strokes for different folks... and whether your 17 and head over heels, or 24 dazed and confused it's all just as real, and well.. very very relative. 

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last...

T. Swift