#quarterlifecrisis

this could be slightly scattered, maybe even frantic.. but then again.. that's my life.. so, just go with it. anyway... what constitutes a quarter life crisis? i mean, no one really lives till 100.. well.. i won't that's for sure so at 23, that puts me at a ripe 92. uhhh.. that's pretty dusty, so i guess this quarter life crisis is actually justified - if not, should have happened a few years back by now.
this past weekend was great, family and a friends... something everyone needs a little bit of now and then. personally, i'd like to have more (we all know this by now so i won't waste your time) but... this is where i struggle...
I am a University of South Carolina Grad (how bout them gamecocks?!) with a BS in Sport and Entertainment Management, pretty fancay right? I like to think so, and i am pretty damn proud of it.. but this is where things get tricky. (all you work folk reading this, don't judge, just let me vent. k thanks) i am starting to feel some pressure. pressure that i probably put on myself, welp, because i have been doing that my whole life... but for some reason.. i feel like i am barely able to catch a breath of air. this of course leads me to doubt, "shit... should i have done something different?!" i could have done, lets say, sports medicine and worked at the college level and live where i see it fit and "start" with the boy and be surrounded by the people i'd want to be surrounded by at really any time.. sure the schedule would still probably not be ideal, because after all ...sports normally take place on the weekend, but at least during the week, i'd come home to a nice relaxing night with the boy and the dog.. a nice dinner, a little move, or maybe even a night out...but, none of those things really happen.
so at a young and "ripe" 23 i put sweat, tears, and some serious mileage into the fact that maybe this is what i am supposed to be doing... maybe JUST MAYBE i am good at my job.. a little positive reinforcement never hurt... what gets rewarded, gets repeated... although my trophy shelf is pretty bare. [insert pity party here] but then again, that's the industry, its non stop, its masculine, its tough and it can absolutely be hard to hang. i usually feed off of pressure, i usually step up my game..but for some reason.. i am nervous. where will i go? when will i be able to call SOMEWHERE home? was this oh lets just say for arguments sake $100,000 in debt spent on the right career direction? i'd sure like to think so...
i cant help but try and remind myself that everything will work its self out.. but at 23 years old should i be doubting? should i be questioning? those who know me best know i want to work in golf, know i want to run tournaments and live and or retire happily in sunny sc. i'll get there. i don't doubt that, but currently, i am slightly pressure cooked.. maybe it could be the eve of another event season, or the anxiety of well..my own personality, but i just am a little frazzled, and am hoping time will tell, and am hoping that i'll be within a distance of friends family and lovers sooner than later...because really people......this sucks.
BUT with that said (i'm trying not to let ya down here dad) i know it will work out, guess i just need to be a little more patient, look another in the eye and say "i want it, and i will succeed"

if one thing is for sure, i hate being my own biggest headache.