#controlfreak

what do you wish you could control? is it the weather? is it your golf game? or how about the seasons change or the way your favorite team plays in a big match up? for me... its not that easy, which honestly by now, i am sure you could have figured out.

i wish i could control the way i feel when i fly (aka terrified), or the way i handle stress, i wish i could control my career path, and the simple decision to "do more of what makes you happy" even if it is as simple as taking more pictures on the pretty days of the week. i also wish i could control how people treat one another, because after all - mean people suck, and unfortunately... i have probably been that "mean" person a time or too. i want to be able to control life, death, health and...happiness. i want to be in control of my relationship and in the least, time. i.... want to be in control of a lot. now, some of these things you might say, uh, sara...they are in your control.. you can make yourself happy, you can do what you want too, and enjoy all the things you talk a big game about..as long as you just.do.it...

but really....is it that easy? can you really? DO YOU REALLY make those spur of the gut decisions to change career paths, or call up the kids you were nasty too in grade school and say your sorry. do you go into the cockpit of a plane and say.. "listen buddy, take this one smooth, my heart rate cant handle the clouds". do you take the steps necessary to really take control of your life or are you burdened by things like bills, what people think, expectations of parents..or even yourself? pretty big questions if you think about it... so, what are we in control of?

why is that people in my life have said to me.. "you are a control freak"...because really.. its just that i want to be in control. don't you? i want to know where and what and how things will happen. i want to have a say, not just an instinct. you know, control could be a good thing, not just a negative state of mind. it needs to be thought of in a sense of you "you are just doing what is best" and then... one then you can work on the delivery, so as to not be called, well "a control freak".

so in a challenge, maybe find out why you want to control..and then do the best to get at least as close as you can to bring solace to the fact that its alright if you just CANT control it ALL..because having just a slight say might be better than nothing. it could be all that it may take to make sleep come a little better at night, and for the fall leaves look a little more vivid. it can help with stress that comes of the unknown and the willingness to try and be more open minded. i think control can be good, if it is in healthy balance... now, what that balance may be...i have no clue...hence the reason i look to control... slightly accidental if you ask me, but hey...hopefully these little accidents which we are all unable to have any say on..lead us to the best and most sweetest things down the road...or, in the air... (and idc what anyone says... flying sucks)