men

about two weeks ago i went to a media open house. this was simply a meet and greet, a mix and mingle and regardless, it was for work. i, in Sara fashion forgot about this event and wore shitty capri's and a lame shirt to work that day and immediately set my mind on the fact that i would have a beer, listen to the boss talk work and business as i watched people and ate whatever free food was there for offer... not too bad right? yah, i didn't think so either, but to my surprise... i actually heard some very interesting things from a gentleman who also does business with this media partner. here's the deal:


so this man, probably around 62 years of age owns a restaurant in downtown norfolk. he spends his advertising money on radio and was simply there to well...mix and mingle, except this guy probably didn't need to be there to build relationships at all. this man sat smack in front of the dessert table, sipped on a bottle of beer and talked the ears off of anyone that would listen (this will end up being slightly ironic so hang tight) so anyway, boss and i go into the room, grab a seat and begin to pick up an conversation with this man and whoever else was in the room... once the business part was out of the way, we somehow got on the topic of relationships. this is where it got interesting.


this older man proceeded to tell us that he was a father of 6 daughters, all full grown and successful in their own light. what was great about this, aside from the fact that he still had hair on his head that was not gray from raising 6 girls was this; he looked at me and said,


"you know what men never realize, myself including until i finished raising my 6th daughter. all women want in life is to be heard. they want to be cherished. they do not want advice, they do not want opinions, they want to be heard. they may ask for help but if she asks " how should i do this or that?" you first respond "well, what do you think we/you should do". now adays, i tell their husbands... listen to her. look at her facial expressions when she talks, stare into her eyes and really listen. life will be sweeter and love will be stronger if you do just that... and trust me, it makes life easier for the guys too [insert old wise man chuckle]"


now, i don't know this man from a hole in the wall..but what he said could not have hit a stronger chord in my body than if i was listening to a full orchestra in a central park in the middle of a crisp fall day... he was the most level headed man i've ever heard, and i am not sure if it is the daughters, or the age, or the carelessness about what others thought of him... but what he said cant go unspoken. and i figured, if one this is for sure, when something is asked of a man, even if it is simple and full of good intention, say a silent prayer that the right answer will come close behind as to not feel, lets say slightly defeated. it is not about trying to change how they act or what they say, or even how they think...it is just wishing that with a little age comes wisdom, and with youth comes patience. a little easy listening can't be too tough, and if men only knew how easy it really is.. and i promise not all women are crazy, or trying to mold the other into something that they wish was better... 
it might just be a simple yearn for knowing what is best can be achieved, and hopefully it doesn't take six daughters to attain.

nostalgic

call me nostalgic, that's fine... here's why: (this is slightly sappy in case you care - so don't mind me)

i met him at the end of May 2009. We were working a conference called NASSM; now, this conference was horrible... but, it was also probably the best week of my life. here's why:

it was a bitter break up just days prior; he was my best friend. simply said to say the absolute least. i made the decision to move onward and upward. i didn't want to be with anyone, and i wanted to set the stage for my senior year to be concentrated on school, pre law and whatever else came my way.. now, clearly that did not happen. a. i am not in law school. b. sarandipity couldn't be more perfect and c. i fell in love.

we had this whirlwind love story... it was a late night, it was drinks, it was dressed up, it was butterflies and it was...perfect. it was questions, table topics if you will. it was an up all night head spinning type of night... and well, time was limited. we had three days. three days and he was back in pa... so leave it? or love it? moral of that story, i loved it. i turned my car around the day before he left at 3 am in the morning and it couldnt have been more perfect if it was from a chick flick. the following day, i drove to maryland with my best friend and roommate... we talked for 8 hours about the previous three days and as we rolled in to baltimore it started to rain.. [insert nostalgia soon]

we talked on the phone, we texted, we laughed and we felt absolutely nuts.. something i wont ever forget...so, with all of this being said there was a CD sent to me a few days later. 

Track 13; Raining in Baltimore - Counting Crows. THIS song, is my relationship, my complicated and distance driven love story in a song. and THIS is how i feel when i hear it:

i think about that first week, the first kiss, the way columbia roads looked at 3 am wet with dew. i remember the stop light change from green, to yellow to red...twice at williams brice stadium. i remember the drive up 95 that summer day, and back south the following. i remember sitting on the porch in west cayce with my best friend and laughing while on speakerphone. i remember what salt from tears taste like from saying goodbye so many times before, and knowing that there will be many more to come. i remember driving from the airport in raleigh. i remember falling to sleep in sc on repeat. i remember what it feels like to love like you have never loved before. and recently, i remember sitting on the couch.. listening to a concert dvd, thankfully this time with him on the right and hearing him say "you ok?" followed by a kiss on the head. THIS song, is all of that in 5 mins of lyrical perfection.

so, what song does that for you? what song puts you in a moment, or many moments with the sound of a voice and a strong melody? if you don't have one... i only hope that you will some day, because it can be a saving grace when your a little farther away than you'd like to be at any given time, any hour of the day or night. it is to me, the perfect remedy. 

#controlfreak

what do you wish you could control? is it the weather? is it your golf game? or how about the seasons change or the way your favorite team plays in a big match up? for me... its not that easy, which honestly by now, i am sure you could have figured out.

i wish i could control the way i feel when i fly (aka terrified), or the way i handle stress, i wish i could control my career path, and the simple decision to "do more of what makes you happy" even if it is as simple as taking more pictures on the pretty days of the week. i also wish i could control how people treat one another, because after all - mean people suck, and unfortunately... i have probably been that "mean" person a time or too. i want to be able to control life, death, health and...happiness. i want to be in control of my relationship and in the least, time. i.... want to be in control of a lot. now, some of these things you might say, uh, sara...they are in your control.. you can make yourself happy, you can do what you want too, and enjoy all the things you talk a big game about..as long as you just.do.it...

but really....is it that easy? can you really? DO YOU REALLY make those spur of the gut decisions to change career paths, or call up the kids you were nasty too in grade school and say your sorry. do you go into the cockpit of a plane and say.. "listen buddy, take this one smooth, my heart rate cant handle the clouds". do you take the steps necessary to really take control of your life or are you burdened by things like bills, what people think, expectations of parents..or even yourself? pretty big questions if you think about it... so, what are we in control of?

why is that people in my life have said to me.. "you are a control freak"...because really.. its just that i want to be in control. don't you? i want to know where and what and how things will happen. i want to have a say, not just an instinct. you know, control could be a good thing, not just a negative state of mind. it needs to be thought of in a sense of you "you are just doing what is best" and then... one then you can work on the delivery, so as to not be called, well "a control freak".

so in a challenge, maybe find out why you want to control..and then do the best to get at least as close as you can to bring solace to the fact that its alright if you just CANT control it ALL..because having just a slight say might be better than nothing. it could be all that it may take to make sleep come a little better at night, and for the fall leaves look a little more vivid. it can help with stress that comes of the unknown and the willingness to try and be more open minded. i think control can be good, if it is in healthy balance... now, what that balance may be...i have no clue...hence the reason i look to control... slightly accidental if you ask me, but hey...hopefully these little accidents which we are all unable to have any say on..lead us to the best and most sweetest things down the road...or, in the air... (and idc what anyone says... flying sucks)

and i'm okay with it..

you know you are not a feminist when...

you won't ever hear me hoot an hollerin for a woman and her mark on history, you wont hear me say "god i'm glad i'm a woman" or "i'm gonna be the first female president", and well, i think tiger woods is still the man... now, don't get me wrong, i dont necessarily believe that all women should be stay at home moms and never leave the kitchen, (but honestly, wouldn't that be nice?)... because in reality, i have a job and i have my own bills to pay, but with all that said.. if there is one thing that does get to me.. its women sports anchors.. really, how the 'eff did you get your job.. unless of course you are erin andrews.. and really people, is she that hot? she speaks well, she probably has great people skills, and im sure she is slightly promiscuous.. #sorryimnotsorry...

if there is one thing that makes the NFL more lame each year, its the women anchors.. lets not get crazy ladies, leave the commentary to the men, bc .. ya'll suck. i'd rather watch paula dean cook pies, and tyra on Next Top Model... leave the sports to the men.. and this is coming from some one who went to school for Sport and Entertainment Management. i didnt do it to be one of the guys, or to get a little bit of attention.. i did it because it seemed like the right fit, i thought i'd actually be able to make a little cash [insert patience here] and because well... i wasn't very good at math. ;)

so really, ladies.. stick the kitchen, or hell.. go to med school and rock that boat..but you are not good on espn, you do not sound like you know what your talking about..even if by chance you actually do.. you are not erin andrews, and welp.. thats probably a good thing, bc the world only needs one of those. fact of that, sex sells.. so good for her..but all the others.. youre just not cutting it...no matter how good you think your outfit looks on air.
 
don't get me wrong.. i am all about success, hard work, achievement and making a mark, but "one of these things just doesn't belong" ...and if it were up to me... staying at home, getting up, going to the gym, maybe doing some laundry and cleaning, hell maybe even doing some afternoon shopping... doesnt sound so bad..slightly better than that whole 8-5 business don't ya think? i mean come on now.. like i said, lets not be crazy... it really is a mans world..and welp...i'm okay with it. i know i'll do just fine regardless.. no need to sing anything from a mountain top, and to be honest it sure makes things a little sweeter when you do succeed.

HGTV

i'm obsessed, although, i say that about a lot of things... HGTV happens to be a true obsession of mine... i could watch it for hours without getting my ass up off the couch. its addicting and absolutely perfect for a rainy sunday. today, after joe left i actually cried... that's right people, CRIED watching "property virgins". [insert pathetic grin here] 


this young couple 24 & 25 yrs old, were purchasing their first house in Florida... the show host of course takes you through all of the different house options eventually putting in an offer...the host announced that they got the house they wanted and almost immediately the couple looks at each other and both start crying... the guy says "finally!" and the girl managed to thrust her arms around him and smile... after a few seconds she says "yes, thank god".."good things come to those who wait". 


okay, so... at that point i begin thinking... i absolutely cannot wait until i am in this exact same position... looking for houses and then finally be able to look at one another and say "finally". also known as, all of the years of waiting, driving, crying, and yelling can finally come to an end. i can't wait for all of the exciting things to come.. the first house, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the laundry.. yes even the laundry. i am sure that 20 years down the road all of this will change.. and chances are i'll probably even want to be by myself more often..but right now, i can't help but get excited for all of the little things.. the little things that i will try my best to have still be fun...even 20 yrs down the road.. keep things lively, fresh and maybe even romantic? 


time will tell. until then, i have hgtv.

home

i came to a realization... home is relevant, and very different for everyone.. you may think, um..duh.. BUT...there is a catch. this morning on my way to work i sat at a stop light taking in the scenes around me which included bustling freshman on the way to their 8am class, hungover seniors on the way home from the night before, navy men and women driving their way to work.. and one very very big truck driver, who of course.. was right next to me. so as i tried to keep my head straight, because we all know an awkward look from a truck driver is never great at 8 am...or any time of day for that matter...i noticed something barking.. ?!... i turned to look and this little old pug sat outside the passenger seat of the truck drivers window barking at every little thing as it passed by..
now, the point of this whole thing is that too that little dog, (who apparently also looks like his owner) home is that truck.. the truck that probably has driven from here to cali in three days time, back to VA and up to Maine all in a days work...and sure, the man surely has a home in some state in the US..but home is relevant. it is different to everyone, and it is what you make it. this truck driver with his old faded confederate flag stickers, and rusty tire wells and smoke stacks, busted mirrors and dirty doors has made that thing his home by taking along his friend for the ride. he is clearly making the best out of it...and shit, if i think i drive a lot.. i couldn't imagine his gas bill...
so, as the light turned green and i laughed out loud at this little ferocious dog and his dreary driver i thought... home is what you make it, weather its a truck, Norfolk VA, or on a Navy Ship in the middle of nowhere... home is what you make it.

and hey, at least this Tuesday started out with a laugh.

Unfortunately, i couldn't snag a pic...but this should give a good idea

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh ooh ooh ooh

#quarterlifecrisis

this could be slightly scattered, maybe even frantic.. but then again.. that's my life.. so, just go with it. anyway... what constitutes a quarter life crisis? i mean, no one really lives till 100.. well.. i won't that's for sure so at 23, that puts me at a ripe 92. uhhh.. that's pretty dusty, so i guess this quarter life crisis is actually justified - if not, should have happened a few years back by now.
this past weekend was great, family and a friends... something everyone needs a little bit of now and then. personally, i'd like to have more (we all know this by now so i won't waste your time) but... this is where i struggle...
I am a University of South Carolina Grad (how bout them gamecocks?!) with a BS in Sport and Entertainment Management, pretty fancay right? I like to think so, and i am pretty damn proud of it.. but this is where things get tricky. (all you work folk reading this, don't judge, just let me vent. k thanks) i am starting to feel some pressure. pressure that i probably put on myself, welp, because i have been doing that my whole life... but for some reason.. i feel like i am barely able to catch a breath of air. this of course leads me to doubt, "shit... should i have done something different?!" i could have done, lets say, sports medicine and worked at the college level and live where i see it fit and "start" with the boy and be surrounded by the people i'd want to be surrounded by at really any time.. sure the schedule would still probably not be ideal, because after all ...sports normally take place on the weekend, but at least during the week, i'd come home to a nice relaxing night with the boy and the dog.. a nice dinner, a little move, or maybe even a night out...but, none of those things really happen.
so at a young and "ripe" 23 i put sweat, tears, and some serious mileage into the fact that maybe this is what i am supposed to be doing... maybe JUST MAYBE i am good at my job.. a little positive reinforcement never hurt... what gets rewarded, gets repeated... although my trophy shelf is pretty bare. [insert pity party here] but then again, that's the industry, its non stop, its masculine, its tough and it can absolutely be hard to hang. i usually feed off of pressure, i usually step up my game..but for some reason.. i am nervous. where will i go? when will i be able to call SOMEWHERE home? was this oh lets just say for arguments sake $100,000 in debt spent on the right career direction? i'd sure like to think so...
i cant help but try and remind myself that everything will work its self out.. but at 23 years old should i be doubting? should i be questioning? those who know me best know i want to work in golf, know i want to run tournaments and live and or retire happily in sunny sc. i'll get there. i don't doubt that, but currently, i am slightly pressure cooked.. maybe it could be the eve of another event season, or the anxiety of well..my own personality, but i just am a little frazzled, and am hoping time will tell, and am hoping that i'll be within a distance of friends family and lovers sooner than later...because really people......this sucks.
BUT with that said (i'm trying not to let ya down here dad) i know it will work out, guess i just need to be a little more patient, look another in the eye and say "i want it, and i will succeed"

if one thing is for sure, i hate being my own biggest headache.