a mind will wonder...

for starters, this one yet again could be a long one.. so, again... i warn you. but with that being said, i feel as though my points tend to be a little more detailed and slightly more interesting when i have more to say.. plus, who wants to read a 1 paragraph blog post...(probably most) ... it has been a little bit of time and i of course have a mind that will wonder so i figured i would share in the order of time.
first off- Ash, we sat at the party and i heard you say not once but maybe twice something about these little posts of mine and in a sarcastic chuckle you mentioned you were not of focus of a blog... so...you won't be of this one either. HA! :) but, i will say.. i miss you, i love you and you are my best friend. so thank you. (there....you got a mention)

the past few weekends have been filled with family and of friends and i couldn't be more thankful. evan is a HS graduate and we couldn't be more proud.. and of course, in Webster fashion to show our support... a party was thrown.. not just any party mind you.. but a palooza of sorts - a diane style party. good times were had by all. as the crowd started to die down it was interesting to see and think about the relationships one has with their families and friends. how they change, and how they grow.. or even how they fall apart or change as time does just the same. every family is different, and everyone has a story. personally i think each member of my family is a novel in their own. when i see the people in my family i try to pick up on new and memorable things each and every time..kinda like a great chapter in a good book. for example; my mom-mom... i've never truly noticed until this weekend how soft her skin really is... how full her lips are until she kisses you goodnight after a few drinks, and how strong her eyes can really be when she knows you are listening to what she has to say. my pop-pop.. some one who i don't see much of a soft side with let me in on a "date night" story that he and his daughter, my aunt went on in Sea Isle.. and although i wasn't there.. the story he told me about the bar, the drinks and the company i'll never forget... my nan, always dressed up, seems to wear higher heels each and every time i see her, always classy, and my godmother's hugs and kisses haven't changed since i was a little girl making boboli pizza's in a hot from the oven Lawndale kitchen. When i see my family after moving away and living on my own, i can't help but think.. families are what makes home everything that it is made of, and i do not want to think of a day when the hugs hello and the kisses goodbye don't feel as sweet as they did this past week.

of course, after all the glitter, laughs... and drinks have faded, the inevitable 5 hour journey home begins.. one which you all should know fairly well by now.. i drive, i think, i sit and stare, i wonder and i miss..that is a drive back to work and life to me. i did however think of something slightly different this time around on the way back.. something a little more random but something i think many people would connect with given the chance. so i ask you...what makes you think of someone, and not tell them? what happens to all of those relationships you have made over the years.. friends, family and lovers alike. was it a broken ending? was it new relationships and the respect due to the other, was it as plain as death or is it as complicated as lack of closure? people think about those who walk in and out of their lives daily.. whether a song reminds them of their first kiss, or a movie reminds them of a place and time different from ones current life, hell maybe you never want to talk to that person again on purpose no matter what car you see drives by that reminds you of them... what makes you NOT pick up the phone when you get the itch to hear their voices, or not send a text when you think about a time that once was. life is complicated.. and my point is just this.. life is short, but everything happens for a reason. if its a bad break up - move on. a new person will knock down you door, and your walls soon enough. if its family.. so be it.. even if its family you don't have to get a long if you don't want.. people are people and life is tricky. if you want to call for your own well being, don't hesitate, but simply remember life is probably better the way it is. 


then we come to the final stretch of a long two weeks... Chicago was a vacation for the books, lots of laughs... great sights, good food, and fantastic company, i am extremely thankful for it all...but after all of that.. the goodbyes are not getting any easier. so, i'll be blunt. it has been two years for the boy and i.. puppy love has faded, and time has shown its face. its tricky. work, its a daunting task and miles are something that seem to keep things impressively difficult. i always thought it would get easier though.. that the saying good bye.. the "see ya in a month" would fade.. and uh, it's not. it is as hard as the first month, the second, and the 19th... although, i will say.. its much more frustrating, and the tears aren't just because "i miss you". the tears are slightly full of anxiety, stress, lack of patience, and eagerness to start. i am not a nurse, or a teacher. i am not in a field of work that i can pick up move and live and start my life in a way that i would perhaps want to at 23. so what the hell is next...i..scratch that, we, are in this for the haul, and i couldn't be more excited..but if the distance could just get a little shorter, and the goodbyes a little sweeter.. life could be a little more fun, and of course the vacations... could be a little less stressful. 


the "i'll see you in 30 days" is getting a little old... family, friends and lover alike.


until next time... but luckily for you.. chances are, it will be less than 30 days.