at only 23... there is still a lot of history there. there are a lot memories, there are tough times, there are even more laughs and there is an abundance of things in the middle. there are family, and there are friends, and of course, there are relationships... old and new. all of these things make up the person that i have become...and chances are, depending on what your timeline is... you have a lot of history too. there are old boyfriends, there are laughs, there are childhood memories...some of which will put you right back in the yard you grew up in, wearing your favorite outfit, listening to your favorite song on repeat. it is things like this and all of the pages in the middle that make up who you are and who i have become.
personally, i have memories of growing up with close friends and family. memories that are so vivid i can picture what i was wearing, what i was listening to, who i was with, and how i felt in those moments. most of these put me back in silverdale pa, where that house was more of a home than i will ever have. it is the smells, it is the kitchen, it is the backyard and the trees. it is the bedroom and closets. it is by far where my childhood will stay. it is at 133 lawndale ave that my love affair of growing up will remain.
the middle years were full of friends, phonies and a whole lot of bullshit. it was sports, it was figuring it all out, and it was fast. it was tears and it was hardships...but i'll tell ya what, it made me who i am now, 23 years through the history book. i couldn't have been more proud of myself, or my family than i am today. anyone who is...no one, thinks they know what it was like to grow up in my shoes. and lucky enough for me, anyone who is everyone, knew how to prove what real family and friends are in times of need or total lack of trust. it is because of friends like the ones i don't even need to speak of that i am who i am today, and it is because of family like mine that i can hold my head up whenever shit gets rough. for any of those who don't have what i have, or have never learned what it is like to feel the support of those who matter... you'll never make it when times get tough...take it from me. allow me to thank you to those who mattered most. you know who you are. but an even bigger thanks goes to the ones that were the nastiest, the ones who hopefully today can look in the mirror and know their faults...because you, are the ones that made a decision to go 700 miles away the easiest and best decision i could have ever made. funny how things work out.
college, as i have mentioned before was full of laughs, beer, class, and chemistry. there are few that made their mark deeper than any one else has prior in the 23 years thus far... you know who are. some will be bridesmaids, some will be the ones that got loose, and some will be the ones who let it all slip away. it was fun while it lasted, and sure i'd go back..but i'd be a fool to wish it would have ended any other way. its been a ride, and time can fly...but i'll tell ya what... chemistry was never stronger than when it wasn't yours to be had, and when that is the case...you learn a alot of new things. you learn how to love... the real kind, you learn how to laugh, the real kind, you learn how to be stubborn, the tough kind, and you learn how to forgive, the forever kind. so it is to the few that didn't last..that i thank you, because hell... chemistry is great, but there is a reason why i never took that class. and its because of ya'll that i am again, where i am today, 4 years later.
so as i sit miles removed from what has gotten me to this point so far, i look at my history book and think...there is actually a lot to read after only 23 years. [insert sigh of relief here] i shouldn't be so hard on myself as if i haven't accomplished much. its because of the pressure of what is next in life that keeps me from enjoying the present. i should try and realize that each person's text is a little different. a little more intense, or maybe slightly more lack luster... and hell, if i have learned anything along the way, it is not to judge a book by its cover, but to read what is in between the pages before you can truly judge at all. chances are, there is probably history there that you know nothing about.
some people have moved on and left it all behind, and some people are still there as if nothing has changed at all. no matter what chapter i go back to re-read, i know home will always be home, college will always be college, and the relationships made will always remain. i know i wouldn't want it any other way but, it is because of a history like mine that keeps me going back to everything in between. if one thing is true, history doesn't look that bad after second glance and remembering that in the moment could probably help ease the page break and start the next chapter with a smoother transition.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
reading between the lines
i saw a sign that read "i'm the girl, you're the guy. if you don't text me first, we don't talk today" and unfortunately today...that is probably pretty true. sucks to be the guy eh?#sorryimnotsorry. i don't know if this is a recent phenomenon, or if women have always expected a little more than they would normally receive, or if they just want comfort knowing that he will eventually come around...in a world where texting is easier than calling and calling is easier than vid chatting, and writing is something only done to show sympathy, or provide a term of endearment to one who maybe is too old to appreciate anything otherwise, communication can be pretty overwhelming. if one thing is true, we all have been forced to get pretty good at reading in between the lines. we all have to re-read that last text and ask ourselves..."did she really just say that?" or, "did he mean what he just said?"...when really, he or she..didn't even say anything at all. we have removed, tone, voice inflection, breathing and sound altogether from our conversations, and are left to only assume how the other is interpreting our message...this in itself makes one get pretty damn good at reading in between the lines if you ask me.
i am a victim to the don't text, won't call syndrome. years ago i would have picked up, called and rang until someone, anyone, answered..where as today, i can send you a bbm, i can tell if you read it, and then i can consciously decide, well choose...if i am going to even try harder to continue the conversation that i wanted to have in the first place. usually, unfortunately enough by that time... i am usually too tired to even try...because honestly... chances are you saw my missed call, read my text and still chose not to respond... hence, again, reading in between the lines. communication is easier now than it has ever been before. well, in the literal sense. now a days, we are left to interpret someones non response, some ones slow delay, or someones ignorance... in the literal sense.
people are able to find ways to communicate to others that they perhaps would never have had years or maybe decades ago. things like a blog make it easier to have an eye into ones personal life...for example, chances are when i "share" this post when i am done.. there are about 3 or so people i wish i'd never spoken to again, that read and know more about my life currently than i'd like them too...but..i have no control over that. communication in this form is a scary thing, but it is definitely something else. it is real, and it is un-censored. kind of the opposite of me, when i think about it...so now and then, i find myself at times thinking... hmm.. should i post this? hmmm, should i watch what i say? welp, fuck that.. and here is why (how is that for un-censored)
we live in a world today where communication is not guarded, even though in some, if not most cases it should be. we are being watched by colleagues, professionals, and family just to name a few. there are a million and one ways to get in touch or speak to the person or persons you want to without even picking up the phone, or writing a letter. meanwhile, here, writing my thoughts in such a way that is stream of consciousness makes me feel a little closer and a little more in touch with the people that choose to take part in this little form of lonely chit chat, even though i may have no idea who really is peeking in at any given time...and for that, i thank the bloggers, the facebookers, the texters, and yes, even the letter writers. it is because of you that i am able to spit it all out, lay it all down, and get a little sleep at night... no matter how great the day, or how heavy the anxiety...because, after all...we all need to get better at reading in between the lines, especially today.
i am a victim to the don't text, won't call syndrome. years ago i would have picked up, called and rang until someone, anyone, answered..where as today, i can send you a bbm, i can tell if you read it, and then i can consciously decide, well choose...if i am going to even try harder to continue the conversation that i wanted to have in the first place. usually, unfortunately enough by that time... i am usually too tired to even try...because honestly... chances are you saw my missed call, read my text and still chose not to respond... hence, again, reading in between the lines. communication is easier now than it has ever been before. well, in the literal sense. now a days, we are left to interpret someones non response, some ones slow delay, or someones ignorance... in the literal sense.
people are able to find ways to communicate to others that they perhaps would never have had years or maybe decades ago. things like a blog make it easier to have an eye into ones personal life...for example, chances are when i "share" this post when i am done.. there are about 3 or so people i wish i'd never spoken to again, that read and know more about my life currently than i'd like them too...but..i have no control over that. communication in this form is a scary thing, but it is definitely something else. it is real, and it is un-censored. kind of the opposite of me, when i think about it...so now and then, i find myself at times thinking... hmm.. should i post this? hmmm, should i watch what i say? welp, fuck that.. and here is why (how is that for un-censored)
we live in a world today where communication is not guarded, even though in some, if not most cases it should be. we are being watched by colleagues, professionals, and family just to name a few. there are a million and one ways to get in touch or speak to the person or persons you want to without even picking up the phone, or writing a letter. meanwhile, here, writing my thoughts in such a way that is stream of consciousness makes me feel a little closer and a little more in touch with the people that choose to take part in this little form of lonely chit chat, even though i may have no idea who really is peeking in at any given time...and for that, i thank the bloggers, the facebookers, the texters, and yes, even the letter writers. it is because of you that i am able to spit it all out, lay it all down, and get a little sleep at night... no matter how great the day, or how heavy the anxiety...because, after all...we all need to get better at reading in between the lines, especially today.
 |
| life before texting... |
Saturday, October 8, 2011
colors
Yesterday i got lost in the circus,
feeling like such a mess.
And now I'm down,
I'm just hanging on the corner.
I can't help but reminisce.
Cuz when you're gone,
all the colours fade.
When you're gone,
no new years day parade.
You're gone,
colours seem to fade.
Your mama called, she said,
that you're downstairs crying.
Feeling like such a mess.
Ya, i hear ya,
in the back ground balling.
What happened to your sweet summer time dress.
I know we all,
we all got our faults.
We get locked in our vaults,
and we stay..
When you're gone,
all the colours fade.
When you're gone,
no new years day parade.
You're gone,
colours seem to fade,
colours seem to fade.
feeling like such a mess.
And now I'm down,
I'm just hanging on the corner.
I can't help but reminisce.
Cuz when you're gone,
all the colours fade.
When you're gone,
no new years day parade.
You're gone,
colours seem to fade.
Your mama called, she said,
that you're downstairs crying.
Feeling like such a mess.
Ya, i hear ya,
in the back ground balling.
What happened to your sweet summer time dress.
I know we all,
we all got our faults.
We get locked in our vaults,
and we stay..
When you're gone,
all the colours fade.
When you're gone,
no new years day parade.
You're gone,
colours seem to fade,
colours seem to fade.
perfect for those types of days...
Friday, October 7, 2011
"you made entertainment happen"
once upon a time, Frank Roach who some of you may know said to me among other things of course ... "while we were being entertained, you made entertainment happen". this could not have been more true on a day like today. as a matter of fact, frank said this to me almost one year ago today as i was simply reminded of the why i do what i do yet again. today was the first day of Sesame Street Live "Elmo Makes Music" at the Constant Center. [Tickets on sale now at COXTix.com, at the Constant Center Box Office, or by calling 888-3-COXTIX. 6 shows! ] big things let me tell ya! now, this show although slightly sticky to handle throughout the months of the marketing campaign brings one great day of community relations. today was that day. today, i was blessed enough to take Elmo and Cookie Monster...yes people, ELMO and COOKIE MONSTER (the real ones) to the area's children's hospital.
this hospital specializes in cancer, surgery and general medicine. this hospital to me is something a little more special as its the only place that has reminded me not once, but twice of why i do what i do for a living. it is at this hospital where i make entertainment happen, while others are being entertained elsewhere around the world.
at around 2 pm began the visit. hospital ground rules, isolation prep, and a scary reminder that some hospital floors are not "good places right now" as in, some children are not well enough to have happiness brought to their door, and for those i say a little prayer. elsewhere in the hospital, big things were set to happen. around 2:30 elmo took floor 7 and cookie floor 8. as we went door to door stopping for hugs, or blowing kisses children all under the age of 7 sat up with bed head, and tired eyes to let out even the slightest of smiles. which to me already meant, my job was done.
now, for background info... these visits are not done for good PR in the business...they are done to grab peoples attention. we invite media and we hope TV shows up to shoot something heart warming, which then invites people to buy tickets... off the record and completely removed from my line of work.. i was thankful today it was just me, the little ones that were sick, and the characters. today... it was more special than tv cameras could capture...
close to the end of the visit we stopped by a little boys room who was just previously notified he would be going home today. this is big news for obvious reasons, as those who are in CHKD are usually serious patients. so, as elmo crouched on his knees, and the boy who in isolation stood at his door way and waved, a nurse said..."tell elmo you are going home today!" in a matter of a breath, all 8 people; staff, nurses, doctor, parents and handler included cheered. "YAY! YOU ARE GOING HOME!" we all cheered... this little boy began to cover his mouth, and clap his hands full of excitement as mom hugged him to her shoulder closely. my life in that moment was perfect. i was made aware of what is important. made aware of the fact that not all of those children will get to go home. made aware of the fact that not all moms will be smiling and hugging their little one at the sight of big blue eyes lighting up and stomping feet of excitement. this was not entertainment. this was a blessing. this was god working in a way to tell me... continue to do this, because while other people are being entertained... you are making entertainment happen. you are bringing joy to those who may not be able to experience it, and you are changing peoples lives one character door visit at a time. today, was a good day. today, i am thankful that little man gets to go home, that the others were able to smile and forget about why they were there, and today i am hopeful that i can bring more entertainment to those who deserve it most...and between you and i... it doesn't always need to be about selling that last ticket, because sometimes... life comes first.
Donna - This one was for you. love you. xxoo.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Renewal
what is it about people and "renewal". renewing of vowels, contracts, naming rights, memberships... its all about renewal. there are incentive packages, there are parties planned, and there is a lot on the line for renewing just about everything in life.
in my business renewal is big in the spectrum of client relations, naming rights and whatever other business aspects you'd like to throw in the mix. sure, it is better to keep an existing client than find a new one... it is less expensive, it's easier, and well.. it is all about customer relationships.
as far as life is concerned... i have some issues with renewal. take 1. COX communications offers an inventive package for renewing... this package is teetering on the line of bullshit for the soul factor that as a continued customer..it has saved me approx 33 cents per bill. is that real life people? horrible.
in weddings, what is the point? why renew your vowels? don't you spend enough time, share enough memories and speak enough on the terms of your endearment through out the years of marriage that you have already had legalized once? why do it again? if it is for the party, that is great, but please.. scratch the ceremony. we don't need to see the alter lecture, or the kiss.. its been done, and really... if your love really is that strong, which i hope for all it is... wouldn't you want to keep it personal? cherish it for yourselves? and if you want a party, well hell.. throw a Superbowl bash.
on a bigger scheme of things renewal has alot of common with life and all that it encompasses. it allows for people to change their style, change their way of thinking. it allows them to find Jesus or reconnect with old friends. renewing is something that can bring good to alot of aspects of life as long as those who choose to renew something do it with an open heart and a sound mind. in my life id like to renew the friendships i have made in college, id like to renew my sense of travel... get out a little...shake my arms in the open air and let the wind grab my hair with the boy by my side down a windy road in the middle of fall... id like to renew my relationship and go back to right when we started...back to the fizz, to the butterflies. id like to renew my sense of patience..as sometimes it slips asleep, as well as my persistence as it can be hard to find when overshadowed by anxiety.
so as you may have currently seen with my efforts to renew my look, my hobbies, and whatever else comes along the way.. i can only hope that the next renewal period proves to be a little less forgiving.. a little more lenient and offer larger paybacks. we all want to renew something, even if its simply a thought, so best wishes on your trial period...and may the next period be full of better relationships, smaller contract terms, and lots of incentives.
in my business renewal is big in the spectrum of client relations, naming rights and whatever other business aspects you'd like to throw in the mix. sure, it is better to keep an existing client than find a new one... it is less expensive, it's easier, and well.. it is all about customer relationships.
as far as life is concerned... i have some issues with renewal. take 1. COX communications offers an inventive package for renewing... this package is teetering on the line of bullshit for the soul factor that as a continued customer..it has saved me approx 33 cents per bill. is that real life people? horrible.
in weddings, what is the point? why renew your vowels? don't you spend enough time, share enough memories and speak enough on the terms of your endearment through out the years of marriage that you have already had legalized once? why do it again? if it is for the party, that is great, but please.. scratch the ceremony. we don't need to see the alter lecture, or the kiss.. its been done, and really... if your love really is that strong, which i hope for all it is... wouldn't you want to keep it personal? cherish it for yourselves? and if you want a party, well hell.. throw a Superbowl bash.
on a bigger scheme of things renewal has alot of common with life and all that it encompasses. it allows for people to change their style, change their way of thinking. it allows them to find Jesus or reconnect with old friends. renewing is something that can bring good to alot of aspects of life as long as those who choose to renew something do it with an open heart and a sound mind. in my life id like to renew the friendships i have made in college, id like to renew my sense of travel... get out a little...shake my arms in the open air and let the wind grab my hair with the boy by my side down a windy road in the middle of fall... id like to renew my relationship and go back to right when we started...back to the fizz, to the butterflies. id like to renew my sense of patience..as sometimes it slips asleep, as well as my persistence as it can be hard to find when overshadowed by anxiety.
so as you may have currently seen with my efforts to renew my look, my hobbies, and whatever else comes along the way.. i can only hope that the next renewal period proves to be a little less forgiving.. a little more lenient and offer larger paybacks. we all want to renew something, even if its simply a thought, so best wishes on your trial period...and may the next period be full of better relationships, smaller contract terms, and lots of incentives.
about that...
Not 10 hours ago did i tell him that i need to go on a diet... 5lbs and it needs to stick. I need to cut out the carbs, well some of them, the sweets and only drink water. welp, that lasted approx 4 hours. shit.
Lunch:
Taste Unlimited - grilled chicken sandwich on french bread, diet coke and chips. oh, and a Reece's cup. fml.
working out daily is not quite at the level of it being considered "fun" but it is at the level where i have across many months seen slight results. i can on very random manner get my body motivated enough to actually sweat and leave the gym satisfied that something was better than nothing. now comes the hard part...maintenance. so...lets try this again... limit the sweets.. stick to unsweet tea, coffee and water and be mindful of the carbs. work out daily, minus the weekends if at all possible and remember to not push snooze more than 6 times on any given day of the week.
hopefully with a little patience, continued hard work in the mornings and eating restrictions throughout the day... as well as (random) maybe being able to grow my hair out this winter i'll start to enjoy the whole lifestyle change that we all try so hard to make ...and stick to it.
the lunch was worth it too btw.
Lunch:
Taste Unlimited - grilled chicken sandwich on french bread, diet coke and chips. oh, and a Reece's cup. fml.
working out daily is not quite at the level of it being considered "fun" but it is at the level where i have across many months seen slight results. i can on very random manner get my body motivated enough to actually sweat and leave the gym satisfied that something was better than nothing. now comes the hard part...maintenance. so...lets try this again... limit the sweets.. stick to unsweet tea, coffee and water and be mindful of the carbs. work out daily, minus the weekends if at all possible and remember to not push snooze more than 6 times on any given day of the week.
hopefully with a little patience, continued hard work in the mornings and eating restrictions throughout the day... as well as (random) maybe being able to grow my hair out this winter i'll start to enjoy the whole lifestyle change that we all try so hard to make ...and stick to it.
the lunch was worth it too btw.
create and cook
it was a slow day at work, and unfortunately when stuck at a desk one has to find other things to fill the time. Yesterday was full of that. http://www.pinterest.com/ - this damn site kept me printing, cutting, browsing, and inspired for hours. i urge you, especially the ladies who love to DIY, check it out. but, as a warning...leave plenty of time for yourself.
i found recipes, DIY projects, hair styles, quotes and the list continues for hours... literally, 8 full hours easy.
anyway, i have always loved the crafty chic way of putting things together, or wanted to be one of those people who could whip up an HGTV room in a day not spending more than 200 bucks through thrifty clever ideas... but, until now... i haven't even thought about attempting this shit.. because lets be honest nothing ever looks as good as when you see it done by someone else. usually effortlessly as well - which is always encouraging. not.
regardless, i have a season goal. annual goals don't work, idc what you say they don't so, i give you the seasonal goal; create and cook. a little inspiration for a new season will go a long way. it allows me to get a little excited about cooking something and seeing the reward, taking out the camera and enjoying some time alone, considering this is usually the case on most weeks. the diy crafts will come with time as i dont see the point in putting together clever wall art, wreaths or furniture ideas. i want a place to call my own before that can really take off, but when it does..watch out, and be jealous.
i look forward to this and hopefully it will get me through until the next phase of this little thing called life.
with an event season staring me in the face i find it slightly difficult to stay motivated, especially with the what's next on the tip of the brain, but hey... at least i have recipes to keep me busy. so bring on the utensils, the camera, the canvas and the paint because it seems like a right fit and after 10 years or so oogling while walking through Doylestown at all the things i'd love to be able to do...i mind as well start somewhere. So, thanks to this seasonal goal..and that damn website... i wish myself the best of luck.
by the way, i am off to a good start - pumpkin bread with choco chips last night was a success... next up; spinach chicken cheese bake, and maybe even a fun wall key hanger. picture to follow.. if i don't blow it ;)
i found recipes, DIY projects, hair styles, quotes and the list continues for hours... literally, 8 full hours easy.
anyway, i have always loved the crafty chic way of putting things together, or wanted to be one of those people who could whip up an HGTV room in a day not spending more than 200 bucks through thrifty clever ideas... but, until now... i haven't even thought about attempting this shit.. because lets be honest nothing ever looks as good as when you see it done by someone else. usually effortlessly as well - which is always encouraging. not.
regardless, i have a season goal. annual goals don't work, idc what you say they don't so, i give you the seasonal goal; create and cook. a little inspiration for a new season will go a long way. it allows me to get a little excited about cooking something and seeing the reward, taking out the camera and enjoying some time alone, considering this is usually the case on most weeks. the diy crafts will come with time as i dont see the point in putting together clever wall art, wreaths or furniture ideas. i want a place to call my own before that can really take off, but when it does..watch out, and be jealous.
i look forward to this and hopefully it will get me through until the next phase of this little thing called life.
with an event season staring me in the face i find it slightly difficult to stay motivated, especially with the what's next on the tip of the brain, but hey... at least i have recipes to keep me busy. so bring on the utensils, the camera, the canvas and the paint because it seems like a right fit and after 10 years or so oogling while walking through Doylestown at all the things i'd love to be able to do...i mind as well start somewhere. So, thanks to this seasonal goal..and that damn website... i wish myself the best of luck.
by the way, i am off to a good start - pumpkin bread with choco chips last night was a success... next up; spinach chicken cheese bake, and maybe even a fun wall key hanger. picture to follow.. if i don't blow it ;)
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