creating a challenge

*previously written*

there is something about a challenge. something about that one thing that pushes you to do better, act better, think better and eventually just be better. when i think of a challenge i think about pushing myself to do things without cutting corners or taking the easy way out. sure, don't get me wrong, sometimes my workouts aren't as long as they could be and the outfits i throw on on a Saturday night aren't the most thought out but that's not really what i'm talking about it. and i like my mismatched sock look sometimes, so there!

i'd like my life to be full of challenges - the good kind (not the death, sadness, heartbreak kind) when there are challenges there are opportunities to prove to yourself that "you got this" or that can you persevere.  with challenges we are able to think more of our own capabilities, think more highly of ourselves - the way we deserve too. i also think that with challenges, comes less boredom. and i hate being bored. that isn't to say that challenges are the only way to not be bored however in terms of work, professionally i find that challenges sharpen the mind, allow the brain to tick and keep motivation at an all time high. without challenges, there comes serious lack of motivation and i hate that.

i can recall at a "challenging" time at work while opening a building i'd get in a 7am, leave at 10pm and then get up and do it all over again. every day. i had energy. i had guts. it was actually kinda thrilling. speaking of work, i also love those co-operative work places. the kind that evoke conversation, friendly hello's and literally marinate in positive energy. Roanoke had these and for some reason, they were addicting and the style of work done inside these places led people like me to be jealous. these people were setting their own schedules, kicking ass at the jobs that they created for themselves and all things considered, making a decent living while doing it. from digital advertising to event management and consultation work, those jobs were stable and seemed challenging enough to allow someone to achieve dreams, not able to be done within the 9-5am framework. it seemed like a win win. maybe to me that is why creative marketing agency work, event management and freelance public relation or consulting work is so attractive. building a brand, creating a name and therefore challenging yourself to be better each and every day to succeed sounds like the perfect motivational piece missing from someone who sits behind a desk and daydreams about what else could be more fulfilling.

but is that really life? is that doable? sure, it absolutely is however, realistically i have to assume that these people do not have student loans, do not have debt and do not live in expensive apartments (because there is no other option) These people are able to approach the challenge at hand with full force and open arms. that part is important. open arm approach for challenges is intimidating for someone like me who feels restrained by the daily inconveniences called life. for example, i can't quit a job, take a few photography classes and start a company - that to me seems impossible, not just challenging. i can't start a marketing consulting business just because people have done it before and others say i'd be great at it. life, to me, doesn't work that way. i can't just go back to school and further my degree because, well, that costs money - and cheap or not, those loans on top of what i currently pay is enough to make me literally lose my mind no matter what state south of the mason Dixon line i decided to live in.

so sure, i need to create challenges in an effort to rid myself of the lachrymose feeling that is had when the cyclical feeling of life settles in. but how at 27 does one get to have what they know they want in the future, but also get what they think they need now?

31 years

Today is my parents wedding anniversary and they have been married for 31 years. So before the rest of the mush, it's important to say, Happy Anniversary and I love you both. xxoo.

When I stop and think about it, 31 years is a very long time and as i type this with a new sparkly diamond on my left hand, i can't say that I'm not impressed. After 6 years of dating, Joe and I are about to 'start all over' and as exciting as that is, its also a little nuts. It is nuts to think that out of any others, we have decided to commit ourselves to each other just as my parents did 31 years ago through the good times and harder yet, the knock down, drag out bad times. I am not the authority on relationships or marriages, however I do know that as I am about to embark on my own personal marriage journey, I have to give thanks to the two who through their own love story, taught me what a marriage is all about.

Just like many, my parents have absolutely fought, they have yelled, they have shed tears and I can bet that they may have wanted to walk away from it all on more than a one occasion but... they never did. And on the flip side, I've seen my parents experience loss, laugh like hell and continue to grow as a couple every single year. My parents have been married for a long time, and have also by my age, already had me. Hell, it seems like most parents back then while still trying to figure out who they were as individuals, where also now responsible for molding a new family too and if that isn't pressure, i don't know what is.

Thankfully, I have childhood memories that i will always cherish and i completely contribute to my parents. Holiday traditions, birthdays, after school snacks, family dinners, bath time, soccer games, weekend shenanigans with family friends and everything in between would not be the same if it weren't for my mom and dad working their asses off behind the scenes. As i get older, I can appreciate how much work it must have been to have dinners prepared, pay the bills on time, make sure the house is clean and on top of all of that, not want to take out all life's frustrations on the other person who's simply just trying to make it work too.

My parents have made it clear that they are a team. my dad is fiercely supportive of my mom and my mom bends over backwards to make it all just work for my dad, no matter what her own personal views on something may be. they love each other unconditionally, yet still allow the other to be true to themselves. They know what makes the other tick, and after 31 years, I've found that sometimes that could actually get tougher with time instead of easier.

i could pull up video hundreds tapes of my brother and I growing up and see the two people, my age, in the background smiling or laughing with the other, creating memories that I'm sure they will cherish for a lifetime. as life goes on and we all grow up, the fact that my parents are still there supporting one another, laughing and experiencing all that this life has to offer together is completely inspiring.

There's a quote that i recently stumbled upon that read "i want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding" and it has never meant more than it does today. As we work through hectic planning and exciting deadlines, i realize that it is more important than ever to build a marriage, not just a special day, and it is because of the examples of the people behind us that make that possible. Sure, no one says it will be easy, in fact, most will probably tell us that it's going to be hard but if my parents can keep it together for 31 years, and make it look that good...i am pretty damn excited for what is yet to come.