florida

so, i have been here for about three weeks, and i have noticed the following;

1. it's hot
2. my car NEVER stays clean
3. there are a lot of bugs, BIG bugs
4. clothes are thin...see through thin
5. i am not skinny enough for these types of clothes
6. i need a tan, quicker than my skin can achieve the desired color
7. everyone wears heels. high ones
8. i can't walk in these heels
9. i for some reason want to drink during the day here
10. Marley and Buffett sound better in Florida

welp, that about sums it up.

once upon a time

i mean, it starts out with Disney. that's what i think anyway. Disney has given girls an unattainable sense of reality from the beginning of time. from perfectly manicured hair, to their grass and even the cleanliness of their bathrooms. the love stories portrayed in their movies have been set on a pedestal for years, and i can absolutely blame the misguided sense of solidity women have on life because of it.

i mean, lets be honest... there are stories of wonderful princesses being swept away by handsome princes. ...really, does that happen? uh, no. shit, the closest thing i can get to that would be.. let's see... ah! i know, Matt Damon and his bartender wife... or how about Prince William and Kate, but uh.. correct me if i am wrong, that shit ain't very real either.

now, i find myself pinning (pinterest.com) pictures of weddings, dresses, hair, outfits, parties, this, that and the other in attempt of finding a "happily ever after". like i have mentioned previously, pinterest is an obsession, and is normally taking up my life at work down time which is few and far between, but i will say... the time that women i feel in general put into their wedding, or  their "happily ever after" moments are amazing. sure, i can't speak to what it will really be like, as my or...our, time will come...but like seriously? what is the need and addiction to pinning, or pining for the unattainable.

now, specifically i talk about the glamorous fairy tale weddings...but what about something like, oh idk, your dream house. HGTV has legit shows on million dollar rooms...now, who is this attainable for? and, are those people even watching? probably not... but, people like me, the uh... i think i am crafty and can make anything look good kind will try and get inspiration out of a little photo, or even a little clip of a tv show in order to bring them or...me, close to the "once upon a time" feeling of fulfillment or achievement in many aspects of life.

it would be fair to say that not everything is a fairy tale, but hell... if Ariel can turn from a mermaid to a beautiful princess, and Cindarella can walk around all night in painful glass shoes without a blister... there might just be a chance for us all, once upon a time...

And trust me, it ain't just the hair...

complex

i have a complex... well, a few. i have been in multiple meetings with multiple people since my time here in Florida. they normally go something like this; get in the bosses car, drive to the appt or get to the conference room. sit down. wait. watch as 3-4 men walk in. stand up. introduce myself, shake their hand. sit down. wait. watch as 2 more men and one woman walk in. stand up, introduce and sit down... conduct meeting, listen, sit back, nod my head, ask no questions, run through my agenda, make a joke or two. end the meeting.

now... with all of that said lets talk about this complex. first off, i am young. duh. lets say 24 because, well that helps my complex, and when surrounded by a staff of 30 something dudes, or men for professional terms.. it can be, well, ugh..blah. no fun jokes, no laughing or coffee runs.

so, that leads to my next complex. what the hell is up with all the men? now, like i've said before... i am not a feminist, and women have a place in business just as men do..but being young and a woman.. uh, let me say this... if ONE MORE dude, or gentleman, shakes my hand like a FAIRY... i may or may not punch them in the gut right on the spot. so... look at my face, not by boobs, don't crack jokes about my outfit, and well.. if you can come in and lean back in your chair and swivel through the whole meeting... you better bet that i will as well. don't interrupt me before i can even make a point, and certainly don't the one other chick off either... that is what makes a complex that much worse.

so, sure... respect needs to be earned. it needs to worked on, and well if you don't receive it... the efforts to get it can and will make you seem like a bitch...oops. what a fine line we walk eh?

so, here is to successful meetings, running a department... a good one at that, and to having less of a complex or two as time goes on. one can wish.

time will..wait, time told.

so now what? it's one of those things that happens as the normal progression of life brings a change...or two. its a new job, a new zip code and even a few more clothes to go with the new title... all good things. right?
being young, slightly overwhelmed and, lets just go with creative...changes are bound to happen. for me, that means a new job, in a new building, in a new city. its a new start and it is stressful. but, what wouldn't stress me out?
there is an exciting part of changes in ones life. there are things that you can't control, that maybe you wish you could that you need to get a hold of as the time goes by and the challenges or tasks arise. it is time and patience that may teach you how to laugh a little more, and breathe a little deeper. i have found that working early and leaving late can bring a sense of fulfillment. sure, there is that whole " i have no idea what i am doing, but can't admit it " that tends to bring a little sense of realization, but i will say there is nothing a little "5pm pick me up" playlist on the work computer can't fix.
so, here i am, Director of Marketing for the Sun Dome...or, the USF Sun Dome Arena, or The "idk what the naming rights is going to be so let's just stress me out more" building. #workproblems. I have a new apartment, with a few new dresses, and a hell of a need for a tan. it will be exciting, and it will be stressful...but with some hard work and patience, and hopefully a few days off here and there, i should be doing pretty darn good. hard work pays off, if your willing to take a few leaps, or well...jumps.

gypsy

recently i found myself driving home from work, shocker, and i caught myself thinking about some things...shocker again, i know. but, these things are thoughts that i am sure everyone, well most, will have from time to time. i'd imagine that they would be more prevalent when living by yourself or after a long drive. i can see them start to come alive after talks with strangers, and even children. so, more specifically i found myself thinking about the elementary idea of leaving an impression.

i asked myself, what makes an impression, and what is the difference between an impression and a lasting impression? i found myself imagining people that have made impressions in my life. good, bad, indifferent and well, lasting. i came to the conclusion that those who make lasting impressions don't need to be friends, family or even past lovers. they can be children and even strangers. it could be something as simple as a facial expression, or an action that has the potential to leave its mark on your heart and head, forever.

mine range from friends and kind words that have been shared, to images of family when saying good bye in the driveway or freshman dorm. they consist of those who spoke words of justice in time of despair to actions of kindness in stress. there is an abundance of people and memories i can attribute who and what i am thankful for today, all because of an impression made, and chances are without any thought at all.

it can be interesting to actually take the time out of ones day, or even during that time of the day where you are winding down after a long day at work and actually think about the people that are around you. think about their lives, their differences, their preferences, their impressions. it is because of this that i feel like we are a little like gypsies during this little thing called life.. give it a second, and let me explain...

you have the young professionals, those in the military, or even those on the other end of the spectrum, song artists. these will all find themselves floating around from city to city, to state to state... now, with that in mind...it is incredible to think about all of the impressions one can make, or one has had and will have in their life. simple instances that someone chooses to remember someone or something by...

a lyric i know puts it like this ...."maybe my version of the truth is just a lie, a million perfect moments go rushin through my brain, every time i smell october you were standin in the rain, when you looked over your shoulder, baby you can choose, to remember me however you want to, but, that's how i'll remember you"

now to me, this says it simply perfect.. you have some one who has a memory of someone who has made a lasting impression. the life-like part about all of this is that it is his memory alone. i think we all have those memories, all have those who have made impressions, yet they are ours alone. there are strangers that have a vivid place in a memory that wouldn't know my face if i was staring them in the eye, and there are memories that will only be mine... life is funny in that way, and relationships are stranger yet. it reminds me to remember that each impression is different, and each memory means something different for those that they are part of. because of that, it makes it special when your best friend remembers something you may have said or done which you can barely bring to mind, or something that your mentor has said in passing that he could barely remember, yet is something that molds your career. 

because of impressions, thoughts, and memories alike we all continue to simply glide along like gypsies in this crazy thing called life. [slightly out there i realize] but, for me it is the anticipation of finding more lasting impressions, and allowing yourself to leave your mark on others and not even know it that makes each day a little different, and a whole lot exciting in the long run... and well, ya never know when you are making your mark on someones memory, hopefully it is the lasting kind. 

pretty cool if you ask me.

what she said...not the joke.

sometimes these things happen... i tend to go off at the mouth... or, mind. in which case... a blog like mine can come in handy. now, over break i found myself jotting down thoughts, messages and things to remember... not things to get a the grocery, or add to my to do list at work, but to simply treasure and therefore share on this little diddy right here...

She said to me "if you remember any thing from me remember this... Never ever go to bed angry. And well, if i know you... since your like me..that won't happen... and otherwise... ALWAYS have someone on speed dial.  Make sure you have that best friend who wakes up to a ring, and within minutes is in the garage having a cigarette listening and chiming right along."

Is that not the best thing you have ever heard. Sure it wasn't eloquent, but what in life is? Sure i am a junky of good quotes, ya know the ones that bring a tear to your eye or make you feel warm and fuzzy...but at that moment, i have never heard anything more true in my life. this was something, this was a moment that i will never, ever forget. so for all of the downs that come on a trip home, or in any stressful situation..there will always no matter what be times to take something like this away from it all. and it is for little things like that i am thankful. it is the relationships that i have built over time that allow for truth and necessity to be spoken with ease, and it is through the quality over quantity that allow me to take a step back an realize...she has never been more real, or true in her life, at least to me, which really in that minute is all that mattered.

so sure, home can be tough as can anything really... especially after being gone for so long. you are slightly out of the loop on things, and maybe a little stretched for sharing time, or well, whatever the case may be...i am not in college, and 'breaks' are a thing of the past.. [sigh] weekends sure are wonderful, but let me tell you something.. weekends are too short. and driving on 'long weekends' is even worse. so.. it is expected to go through ups and downs, lows and highs... after all it is all part of the drill.  regardless, with a heavy heart leaving is always the end plan, so it is for nights like these or talks like that which make coming home a little more special, memorable, and after a long and hectic week always gives me something to take away...

happy new year, or is it...

so the negative one in me would say exactly that. Happy New Year! But...is it? How do you know? sure we all have high hopes, aspirations and wishes for the year ahead, but how can we be so sure that it is going to happen? we do not have a crystal ball, and we certainly don't want to wish upon us any of the negative things that the year behind has brought...so what makes it a "Happy New Year!"?

One may say, who the hell are you to to be so negative, and for those.. get over it, it is in my nature... and for the rest...well you should know that i will be able to turn this into a positive in some way shape or form... well sorda, but it might take some time.. and well it has been some while.. so buckle up kids.


one can only hope that the year ahead will be full of well wishes, prosperity and love...for those that have had a great year, they can tell you that all of this may be possible. now for most, who have loved and who have lost this can be something that is slightly daunting. i reflect on something that is slightly personal to those that i love and call my own. 


now, a few years ago my family found themselves in a dark place. one that was full of sadness and more fear that one can put into words. with the holidays in full effect, and a dad in the hospital looking seriousness in the face.. things can be tricky. so sure, when one says Happy New Year while lying in a hospital bed..you better bet that it will be the case...but what about all of those who like i mentioned earlier, have loved and lost...


again, on a personal note a close family friend loses their friend, father and husband..now you can't tell me.. i don't care who you are "Happy New Year" because you know what, the past one sucked.. maybe not for the whole time, but at the end... is most definitely did. sure there was happiness scattered throughout and there were positive vibes, but one can most certainly say that during the toughest of times, no year would be a happy one. 


now, as the countdown begins, and the conversations get quiet with loved ones to our left and right... i can only think about those who won't at the stroke of midnight have the one to whisper... i love you, or happy new year. this makes me sad. very sad... but yet it is something that grips our guts and allows for the simple hope that you know what... i hope next year is better, i hope next year is happier, and i hope next year will be one for the books. not in the way that was the last, or maybe one of a darker time, but yet one of a wishful, smiling and pleasant time... because after all, we all want a Happy New Year! 


So, what makes your new year happy? Do you have it? If not, what can you do to f i n d it?