I'll never forget being in 5th (maybe 6th) grade and driving to central PA to pick up our puppy, who at that time was still name-less. We pulled up to an average single garage home... the kind that had a split living floor plan, knocked on the glass front door, took off our shoes in the foyer and walked up the steps to the living area. As a little girl, the whole thing was a little strange, but ultimately i knew that i'd be leaving that person's house with a new puppy so the awkwardness of hanging out in a strangers home quickly faded. After a few words we were led outside to meet the little man himself, his litter mates and his parents. From what I remember, there weren't too many left to chose from and our puppy had already been decided on.
As we wrapped up the buying process, i quickly scurried into the back seat of the car.... the driver side, behind my dad.
i think it was fall, and i'm fairly certain my puffy hunter green jacket zipper was cutting into my neck, which was usually something i'd complain about, however after i was buckled in and not caring about the zipper, mom handed me our puppy. still nameless.
there we were...a family with a new little canine addition, talk about a thrilling ride home! for about an hour we sat and brainstormed when finally, after my mind racing and recalling a movie i had seen not too long prior, Simon was decided upon, as in Simon Birch. (great movie) it was a perfect fit, and in that moment he became "my dog". i felt on top of the world. Promptly after the name was all straightened out, our little family immediately began reciting "heda good boyyy" and the "simon's a good boy! he is a good boy, he really is, he really is, he really's a good boyy" song.... he. loved. it.
i'll never forget that ride home. i remember my mom turning around, smiling and petting his little body. my parents were lively and excited...we all were! he was adorable...our own mini lassie and everything i could have ever wanted in a family addition.
as time went on and life happened, there was always the constant of one another...and Simon. throughout the past 17 years of Simon's existence, i moved, i made childhood memories, i argued with my parents, i stayed out late with friends, i made it out of high school alive, i picked out a college, i left home and i honestly, never ever really looked back. every single thing i know of my childhood was wrapped up in that little dog and all of a sudden, it was gone.
Simon, our shetland sheepdog, our family pet, the alpha male, our 'heda good boy', "my" dog, was put to sleep on Saturday at an appointment set for 12:40. i'll never forget being 25 and picking him up, slowly carrying him down the steps of our home and getting into the back seat of the car. the drivers side, behind my dad. my brother to the right and my mom in the front. this time.... it wasn't as thrilling. this time, with tears in all of our eyes, and my mom still looking back and petting his tired body, i held him as he shook. almost 20 years later, as a family, we took Simon to be put to sleep and as the little girl who held him on the drive home as a puppy, i held him until i couldn't any more.
sure, sometimes difficult decisions have to be made that no one wants to hold as their own. that's the man up stairs role, right? sometimes, those decisions make it hard to sleep, make your stomach sink or make your eyes well up with tears. this weekend, the decision to come home and as a family, put Simon to sleep was made and we were the ones that sealed our own mini lassie's fate. I think as human beings we tend to do things selfishly. we want to keep the people, the animals or the things we love alive for as long as possible. we want to wish all the hurt and heartache away and pretend that tomorrow is a new day, that next week will be better and well, it will all just go away with no difficult decisions needed. i think this is a selfish tendency that loving family members tend to make and what we have to remember is that sometimes the most difficult decisions are what is best. for Simon, being together as a family and taking him to leave this world just as we brought him into it, was what was best.
for me, i know that at 17 years old, dogs get old and just like people, the things we love in life can't be kept around forever. for me, my dog was an important symbol of my childhood and closing that chapter stings. for me, taking Simon's collar off and holding it tight represents much more than putting my dog to sleep. for me, it in some way represents that i'm not that little girl bringing her puppy home or that my bedroom at "home" isn't as I left it and that my parents aren't as young or my brother as tiny. for me, it's that my childhood as a chapter in "my book" just turned a page and what i have left is a faded red metal name tag heart with the engraving "Simon" on it.
A few days later it hangs on my bedroom mirror. It's not just a playful reminder of my practically perfectly behaved first dog, but that as a family i have made incredible childhood memories and sometimes, difficult decisions have to be made. however, experiencing things like that as a family reminds you to make the next chapter just as, if not more memorable than the last.
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| "heda good boyyyy" |
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