house a home.

what makes a house a home? is it a family? is it a warm cooked meal? what about a pet? or, is it simply just your mom and all that she brings with her?

so, what makes a house a home when you are far away from a family, don't always have a warm cooked meal and well, the whole pet thing, just didn't work out...

simple. making a house a home should be about comfort. it is about relaxation and that quiet peace. sure the meaning of home may change over the years, as it may go from the place you played for hours outside on the block, to the place you never wanted to be during high school, and then the perfect welcome mat from a long semester at college, however the real meaning of home never changes.

so, now what?
what happens when your house, is no longer your home?

simple. you make your own home. and this, this is just what i have done. i have found that when feeling rather "domestic" i take comfort in the fact that i make the place i spend most of my time as peaceful as possible. this of course in my world means candles, fluffy pillows, decorative accent rugs and towels alike. ya see, no one wants to leave an office after hours of work and go "home" to a place where they cannot feel well... at home.

so, after years of different houses and plenty of places to call home... i find comfort in the fact that i have made my own. no family, no pet, and no mom around... just a little decor here and there, a big comfy bed and a full fridge. not too bad.

so, it's simple. a house is home if you make it feel like home. 

tick.

everyone has that something that makes them tick. something that makes them take a deep breath, relax their neck muscles and sigh. for some it is working out (yeah i wish). for some it is reading or sitting on the beach, and hell, for some it is both. i do find though, for most it is music. 

music moves people in ways that are difficult to describe. my profession is built on it. thousands of people's livelihoods are in one way or another. i mean, this isn't just a hobby or a thrill of sorts. nope, this is for some, the bread and butter of life. 

it is after watching a sold out crowd for a great gig that i sit and ponder this whole phenom if you will. you have those that are moved, touched, and brought to their knees with a beat and you of course have those that make it their life in the literal sense. i am a very moderate mix of the two. music or entertainment is my life because it a. pays the bills, b. is the product of hours of brainstorming and anxiety that has brought me across state lines afar, and c. the very thing that makes me tick to balance it all. 

what i mean by that is that there is nothing more in my current state that i appreciate more than watching and "enjoying the moment" of a sold out crowd for a performer that i happen to be a fan of. it's a buzz that is addicting...intoxicating even. i mean, it has to be after spending 15 hours in an office running around and being pulled in 5 different directions all at the same moment just to ensure a "smooth" event day. i mean seriously, what does an actual "smooth" event day really look like? hell if i know...

however, all of this brings me to that balance i spoke of previously. life is about balance. this is a sensitive topic for some. ya see, there are plenty that drown themselves in work, long days and stretching themselves thin. and for what? passion? 

see for me passion is tough. it's touchy if you will. what is passion and how do you balance the what makes you tick vs what needs to be your bread and butter? for me i have found it is a healthy marriage of taking what i do and, enjoying the moment. enjoying the sold out gigs, the artist interactions and the pats on the back a good review or cover story may get you. and as for what makes me tick, it's gotta be the thing that makes it all go around after a long day that will allow you to close the car door, take a deep breath, relax your neck muscles, sigh and finally crank on that perfect jam to put it all to a close.

a sex and the city post of sorts...

Is chivalry dead? seriously, is it? when is the last time that you had the car door opened for you, or were complimented on your outfit and you felt like it was genuine? what about the last time that you were told that your laugh lights up a room or that "you, complete me." sure, good ole Jerry McGuire may have been a stretch, but honestly, can you remember? can you remember feeling legitimately wanted? (take a minute and let that sink in... i'm talking wanted. core shaking, gut twisting wanted. .... sexy right?)

if so, good for you, if not.... uh... welcome to the party i guess?

ya see, i am not a crazed fan of being given things on a silver platter or being complimented at exhaustion. hell, i don't really even prefer being showered with gifts or flowers but i am in favor of subtle compliments, the flirtatious and sincere kind. i am in favor of being given appreciation, the kind that is real. but then again, who isn't? men and women alike i'm sure.

ok, go ahead, you can call me naive if you'd like... but uh, what does a girl gotta do?

now please don't get me wrong... this is nothing more than an observation, a thought process, and an effort to propose a question.

i realize that you can't court someone forever and that it may get a little "old"... wait, did i just say that? did i seriously just give all of the men out there who don't flirt, compliment or thank their lucky stars for the blessings they have beside them and give them an excuse? ...i think i did. shame, shame on me.

so sure not every day is going to be a proposal, and not every dinner date is going to be as memorable as the first. however, all of the days in between should be special in one way or another. flirting with your wife of 25 years, or you girlfriend of 6 months should really be no different. and honestly, the longer the relationship the better it should be. chivalry is being replaced by comfort, and when too comfortable relationships suffer and one may feel unsatisfied. i mean, who doesn't want a spark? who doesn't want a sexy email or text followed in a week or two by a "when was the last time you've been taken out on a date? be ready by 7. xo".

sure, to us ladies it seems like a no brainer, however we'll be the first to tell you it doesn't matter.  confusing right!? i know, i apologize on behalf of all the women out there! but uh, news flash, it does... and for perspective that's like the "i'm fine" answer men dread when asking their sweetheart "hey, what's wrong?"

nice try.  you haven't fooled anyone.

sexy.

true.

more true.

a memory

when a memory can make you tear up, it says a lot about the origin of that thought. when something can make you cry or shiver with just a mental glimpse, it means that the person or idea behind that glimpse has touched your life in a very strong way. i think it speaks very strongly about how that idea or emotion has molded you into the person you are today. everyone has an abundance of thoughts, experiences or memories that have made them into the person they are today, simply put, it is what life is all about. when i take just a second and think of a few that come right to mind, i can, at the drop of a hat think about specific things that automatically trigger a very specific emotion. they are the following (among others of course):

memory: driving solo out of my driveway windows down, with a license. emotion: complete independence.
memory: giving a simple poem as a gift to my grandmother on christmas. emotion: pure happiness.
memory: walking out that room and falling to the floor of a bathroom. emotion: heaving absence.
memory: driving through wood line night roads listening to YES with my dad. emotion: peace
memory: watching a mother search for life in the movement of the thumb of her dying son. emotion: raw sadness.
memory: walking the SC campus post graduation. emotion: yearning pride. 
memory: driving to the airport for departure. emotion: pure discontent. 
memory: hot chocolate and gingersnaps perfectly prepared after school. emotion: thankful excitement. 

there are highs and there are lows in every ones lives. there are memories that bring emotions both happy and incredibly sad.  slightly "stream of consciousness-like" if you will. it is how we take those memories and use them to be stronger, better and more positive when given difficult tasks in days ahead. it is life and how we manage it/them that is important. 

ya see, i have always thought it was interesting that you never really know when you are making a memory. you never really realize that the outfit you wore that day, or the way you wore your hair, or what the weather was like, or how the starts twinkled that night would forever be part of a memory that was in the making, right then and there. it is what makes making new memories exciting, and what also allows us to have hope in a better day and bigger tomorrow. so when that thought you have makes you tear up, there is promise in the idea that another origin of impression may be just around the corner.

a pointless vent, enjoy

living in different states has taught me a thing or two about regional TV coverage. if you don't mind me saying, there is nothing worse than getting all geared up for an Eagles, Gamecock, Flyers or Phillies game, sitting my fat ass on the couch, turning on the TV and finding that the Redskins are playing the Cowboys or that the Rays are playing who the eff cares. and don't even get me started on who the god damn FSU Seminoles or Gators are playing. #theybothsuck

and yet, just another reason why i love golf. these guys have gotten it right... first 4 hours on Golf Channel, and last 4 hour on national coverage. good job boys. nomads like myself appreciate your efforts.

now, i could avoid this dilemma by paying for NFL, MLB, College Football, and NHL packages (hello $300 cable bill) or, i could continue to complain, suck it up and make some stew. which, is exactly what i have done today. wish me luck... 1 hour in, 5 more to go. (i don't even like stew?)