#youwinamherst

the internet is a weird place. you write it, it stays. forever. therefore, be wary. i'd love to offer that opinion like most adults would to the "#selfiegeneration" but, they'll learn eventually when they try and run for office, or get that dream job... womp womp.  good luck, kids.  

for me, what that means is that usually blog posts are perhaps a little guarded or reserved. usually. it's different than lets say, writing music... you can write your damn soul out in a song about the love of your life and someone listening may interpret it for singing about the crappy day you had. it's tricky. Dave Grohl actually said "that's one of the great things about music. you can sing a song to 85,000 people and they will sing it back for 85,000 different reasons." 

so for today, the first post since the big move...we'll follow suit. 

here we are, Amherst, Massachusetts. and yes, the H is silent, and yes, I've been corrected....twice. soooooo there's that. it's incredibly liberal. as a matter of fact, Amherst consistently ranks as one of the most progressively liberal regions of the United States, due in large part to five colleges within the area. The Amherst-Northampton region is known as the "Happy Valley" or "Pioneer Valley" due to the art and music communities, progressive ideas, prestigious colleges, and large student population. I tend to think that the liberal-ism that is this area comes from so many college students trying to figure it all out while utilizing that dramatic energy to throw inhibitions to the wind, get away with wearing tie dye, not caring to look when crossing the street and only showering every other day...because after all --- YOLO right? again, good luck kids. this place has a plethora of restaurants, coffee shops, ice cream parlors (yum), bars, local shopping, organic food spots and a killer vibe. i appreciate the beautiful architecture that surrounds the area - it's got a little bit of southern flair which I absolutely adore. HUGE homes on beautiful green lots with perfectly manicured lawns and hydrangea bushes. beautiful. there seems to be a ton of good spots to just get lost in the day... i love that and look forward to trying a few of them out myself.  as for the driving here...terrible. joe is convinced it's because the lights within close distance to one another don't sync. i'm convinced it's because people are clueless and there literally are no lines on the road to separate the lanes. regardless, texting and driving is literally impossible here (happy to hear mom? ;)) and if i don't hit someone walking across the rainbow colored crosswalks during our time here... it will be a miracle. seriously. 

now, i can't say i wasn't anxious, overwhelmed or a little bit torn about leaving Roanoke. and trust me when i say that i know that makes some a little or a lot confused but... i know that it's going to be okay. quite simply, i just want to breathe. to be. to smell the new england air and then shake it all out. there is so much to look forward to and so much to be excited about and i know i am where i should be. it's a new job (and yes, the first day in town I landed a gig - insert big pat on my own back - incase you want to know and didn't ask --- Marketing and PR Manager for the Greater Springfield Convention and Visitors Bureau which ultimately drives economic development to Western Mass through travel, leisure and tourism), it's obviously a new city, it's a new apartment, it's a new commute and new street signs, new grocery stores, and everything in between. it's pretty much new everything and sometimes it's just simply overwhelming. however, i love my constants, my crew, my little family here and i know that i have people that love and support me through their own ways of showing it. so, please be patient with me. listen, love and laugh with me.

now, all i have to do is take a step back, get a little bit out of my own head and be still.  not only that, but be in control of my own positivity and how i feel about love, life, and everything in between.  i can't change how people act or the things that they do or do not say but i can control how i feel or react to them. that's a little reminder i need to keep close. because hell, life does move pretty fast, if you let it...so why not control the ride.  i'm pretty sure i've said it before but, i'd prefer mine with the windows down, hair blowing, and the music loud... however, i will say, on the back streets around this place, it's gonna be a beautiful drive. 

The Star City

it's my last monday in Roanoke. i'm a little weepy.

when i made the decision to move to Roanoke i was taking a huge leap of faith. i was leaving a career  that just didn't make me as happy as i could be, therefor i decide that i needed to start the next chapter of my life in a cozy little Southern town in VA. I swore up and down that i would never live in VA after my tumultuous relationship with Nofolk and a new found hate for vanity license plates but, sure enough - almost 3 years later i called Roanoke, VA home. The star city.

This place was good to joe. it was also good to my visits here when i lived 4 hours towards the eastern shore and then 4 states south in sunny, humid florida. This place felt like "home" when i would visit. the downtown was alive but still had that southern flair, there was plenty of great restaurants to try out some delicious eats and there was always great conversation everywhere we turned. i really loved the town that joe called home. i remember being jealous about the events he would attend like First Fridays, Microfestivus, St. Pats and whatever else was happening downtown. i knew that when i decided that Roanoke was going to be a new home of mine too, it would be a perfect fit.

turns out, it was. well... for another three days, it still is but i'm in a "was" kinda mindset starting this week. i remember sitting at joe's "going away party" and listening to him thank his staff for making this place a home. he mentioned that the staff became a family to him and that roanoke would always hold a special place in his heart. tonight, i couldn't agree with him more. this place is pretty "b.a" as some would say. (hint:badass) and hell, they couldn't be more right! my family knew i'd love it and joe said it would be hard to leave. they were both right and well, i miss everything it is already.

when i take a little time to appreciate this place, my heart is light. i think that i have a new little love affair with a new little city and everything it has to offer. from the company i kept and the relationships i'll take with me forever, the downtown outside lunch spots, my favorite dive bar, the music and entertainment scene, the coffee shops, shopping spots and of course some of the best views i've ever laid eyes on. i've learned and experienced a lot in roanoke and needless to say, i'm gonna miss this little star city.

roanoke got into my bones. it shook me. no doubt about it. so roanoke, don't forget to be awesome. i can't wait to be back.

the people you meet and the places you go

Oh the places you'll go by Dr. Suess...the classic graduation gift wrapped up with a crisp $25 dollar bill intended for "books" (that however, would surely to go towards a few cases of beer or a fancy bottle of vodka and mixers as soon as the parents drop you off) hell, i think I got that book too - not too sure where it is now, but when i sit 4 years removed from college - that book is actually a lot more relate-able. I've been some pretty great places however I've met some much greater people.

College is a life changer. it forces you to meet people. to socialize and to get over whatever image you and others had of you in years prior. College literally is the chance to start over. for me - i fell in love. i fell in love with my school, my friends, my city and everything that makes you bleed garnet and black. it was the perfect transition into the other places i would go and the other people i would meet along the way. i actually think because of my love affair with Carolina, it's a part of me and people that I meet now, appreciate that. they get a little glimpse into what makes me happy and who i've matured into because of the places I've come from.

when it comes to the people i've met along the way, i would without a doubt not be who i am today without the friends i've made over the years. relationships and friendships alike are such a special thing and as i get older i tend to cherish them much more. sure, when i was a senior in college i wanted to over dramatize every friendship i made. i can't count the number of -"we'll be friends forever" conversations, or the number of late night drives i made in that town in fear that i'd lose a lot of what i fell in love with over the course of four years. the true friendships i've made are special. sure, they are separated by plenty of miles for the most part but they are only a phone call, a snapchat, a text or a piece snail mail away - and i love that. the best friend i have from home who probably knows me better than most is unlike any other friendship i have. what could be more special about that? the girls i have from Kappa, the guys that i can still laugh with whenever a reunion occurs or the girlfriends i have who literally keep me sane with our phone catch up sessions on the regular are such blessings and they are each so different in their own respect. during my time here in roanoke a friend of mine has taught me so much about positive attitude that it's actually contagious. literally - i couldn't count the number of times that i have come home from work annoyed by his happy-go-lucky outlook on life. (i'm terrible haha) now, as i pack up to leave... it's become an inspiration. through experiences in his own life he has made it a mission to live positively and through some great insight and even greater laughs along the way, i've learned to appreciate Roanoke a little bit more due to his reminder to live life with the mindset that positive thinking = positive results. as a matter of fact - the Civic Center will be hosting a positive thought a day for the next thirty weeks for the thousands of people that drive by. Today, although simple it read "be kind to animals". it may not mean much, but it is a positive thought and it will certainly evoke at least a little "happy" in those that drive by and are lucky enough to catch it on the rotation. thankfully, today...i did. so, for a realist like me, a positive attitude and a inspiring friendship is certainly a blessing to be able to take with me in the places i'll go.

people you meet through out your time spent in different places teach you different things about yourself that you otherwise probably wouldn't have figured out on your own. they force you to ask difficult questions and make changes....or not. they are perfect sounding boards for the things you may have going on in your own head and can usually provide the voice of reason that you leaned on them for in the first place.  some are forever friends, and some are just for the now but that's okay too. if they have made you feel anything, they have taught you something ...and that's pretty damn great.

home is where your loved ones are

home really is where your loved ones are. it is where there are hugs at the front door, lights on in the bedroom and kisses goodnight. needless to say, coming back to roanoke the afternoon after moving Joe proved to be fairly difficult as i sit on the middle cushion of the couch with no one poking me to move over.

I have been in Roanoke just over 7 months and I am already feeling the effects of living the solo life until we are all situated with the big move up to Massachusetts. Sure, there are some perks like getting to buy my favorites at the grocery store or not having to worry about the silly little chores that living with another person include however, i can honestly say... i feel a little lost without my crew. i actually miss henry banging into my knee with his bone, gibson getting hair all over the couch and joe making fun of Chopped on the Food Network from the kitchen. 

with all of the heartache that comes from the transition and getting things settled over the next few months it makes me so much more thankful for what i have and who i share my time with. it also makes me realize even further how difficult it must be for those that lose someone they spent every waking moment with day in and day out. sure, i've spent close to 5 years in a relationship however only 9 months of the time have we actually been able to see each other and experience the company of one another throughout the normal work week or fun filled weekend.

as i sit here anxious about this empty house, i can only think how hard it must be for others who suddenly lose the ones they love and have spent 20, 30 or 60 years of their life with day in and day out. it's a reminder that life is short and you just never know what you may come home too after a long day at work. it's a reminder that what you know as routine which therefore provides you with a sense of security could all one day be gone. it makes the little things a little bit more memorable and the big things much easier to miss.

i am excited for what is ahead, for what the summer may bring, then the fall and ultimately the "harsh winters" have in store for us up in Mass. but i'll tell ya what - being back with my boys, makes it already feel like home.

+previously written

the coffee shops...

there is something special about small, fun, quirky and independently owned coffee shops. i love them. every single place that i visit, stay, live or simply wander through, i have to hit the local coffee shop.

in Carolina it was Carolina Cafe, and every time i go back... i realize that the secret must be out. the place is always packed, especially on a Sunday after the Gamecocks play (win) at home. the place has homemade everything and is always delicious. my favorites have to be the breakfast bagel sandwich, the chocolate milk and the iced coffee - all perfect for a hangover or the perfect food in tote for a stroll on the horseshoe.

then there was Norfolk - Borjo... oh how i miss Borjo! the scones were out of this world, the cinnamon buns were bigger than my face, the local art was always a conversation starter oh and after five they served drinks... yep. fact. the chicken salad was amazing and the best part...it was literally ten steps from my work. Oh and the coffee! the coffee was some of the best....nothing crazy however, their ice... their iced was crushed and what could be better than an afternoon walk down Monarch Way with a cold, crushed iced coffee? the answer is nothing. I miss Borjo, but I actually miss the company I kept at Borjo more.

next up, tampa... tampa kinnnndaaaa sucked when it came to coffee shops. i was pretty bummed to find no local stops, no local favorites or have to hit spots in the AM. however, for what it is worth my love of Panera came from Tampa. they knew my name, they knew how to toast my bagel and their coffee came with free refills. so, i'll take it. nothing special, but panera - i love you anyway.

now, Roanoke...Roanoke is a special kind of place. it's artsy, it's eccentric and better yet you're still in the south so expect that southern hospitality with well, let's call it "liberal flair".... i love it. Roanoke is home to two favorites... Mill Mountain and Cups. Now, Mill Mountain seems to be a staple in the region with a few locations and an ever changing coffee selection and standard sweets and samples to cure any hangover. The specialty drinks may be priced a little higher but that never stopped Joe from going all in with the Carmel, Mocha, whatever... for me it was the coffee. plain. hot. coffee. with cinnamon please. ;) then you have CUPS. cups is special to me. it's in the center of historic Grandin Village and it's slogan is "my other office is CUPS"... how cool, right? It's got hilarious owners, ever changing local artwork, comfy couches, tables made from old VHS tapes and plenty of drinks to choose from. Oh and bring your own cup, store it here and they will keep it clean and waiting for you.... how awesome, right? and don't forget - the wifi, free! it's a perfect coffee shop, in a perfect little town.

I can't wait for my next coffee shop love affair and from what i hear, there are going to be a quite a few to choose from. so, look out Amherst, a new local is coming to town! oh and for what it's worth....if I had a coffee shop full of everything awesome, it would without a doubt be called "The little bean"... um, how awesome? maybe one day...

"not all those who wander are lost"

Serendipity... maybe this is just that. Maybe this is something that will become something bigger... you know the "big one", the "life changer"... (yea yea, as if i haven't had enough of those.) Oh, right... sorry... you're probably asking what is the "this"? what is the thing that may cause for another shake up on the shaken never stirred life that I lead?

well, it involves boxes and paying $1.00 online to the United States Postal Service. it involves dropping off cable boxes and picking up plenty of tape. it involves gas, plenty of red bull and maybe some combos, at least for me it does. it involves paper cuts and even a few bruises on the hips from door propping and car door slamming. i'm gonna assume you've gotten it by now...

Ding! Ding! Ding! yes, i am moving. actually, scratch that, WE are moving... sure, it wouldn't be in Sara fashion if it wasn't as complicated as one of us moves right away (as in...tomorrow) and the other waits a solid 3 months or so however, yes, WE are moving.

So where you ask? Where too now? I'll get to that... but first, let me in the very least try and bury the negativity. For me, that goes something like this;

I get it... I have moved a lot. I have moved to college (oh and for what it's worth, that shouldn't count - and quiet honestly... if my wallet would have allowed it - I would have never moved anywhere else). I have moved to Norfolk. need I discuss the plentiful joys of a first apartment, a first job, a first paycheck? No? okay, good. (ironically though, i miss the heck out of that place) Then there was Tampa - talk about sunshine and beaches... well except the beach was an hour away and the sunshine just proved to be...well, too hot. So, thank God for a best friend and a puppy, making Tampa not all that bad after all. Which finally brings us to Roanoke... the real switch up. the shaken not stirred switch up. so, sure... i've moved but...after it all, i'm okay with it.  (i'm okay with it as long as you don't ask me if i'm okay with it when i'm having a melt down about all the moving.)

Through these moves i have discovered a few things. The first being that when i am not in control... i simply lose control. plain and simple. no reading between the lines here. when i am not the one making the plans to move or taping up the boxes, i literally lose my mind. call my crazy all you want, but being in control is a luxury that i intend to try to keep. this for me is actually kind of funny, considering i love the idealistic concept of the "serendipitous" act however it becomes fairly difficult for me to just trust that what is meant to happen, will do just that...

With all of this moving i find myself simply searching for a sense of stability. but that's okay, right? (it better be) i've come to believe that stability isn't just something that makes one feel "comfortable" but yet learning to breath it all in and trust that you're where you should be once you breathe it all out. this takes time... and i'm also okay with that too. stability then becomes a choice (que being in control) and well, i like being in enjoy control. sure, i may not be going about it the easiest way possible, or maybe as fast as other would expect but i do think that i'm doin' alright figuring it out along the way. I think that all of this bouncing around has contributed to who I am today and perhaps a little bit nuts, but thankfully now I am that much more aware of what it's like to hit some bumps and know how to keep the car in drive. and also for what it's worth, i have found that a relationship like mine and joe's speaks volumes about making it through tough conversations, slow and steady timelines and a constantly evolving ideas of what it means to be truly madly in love. ours is not picture perfect, but it is ours and i love it.

Sure, I know that i am not the best back seat driver... i'm not even close to being comfortable with being in the backseat but i do know that with the love and support of friends and family alike, the search for stability within the constantly changing nature of life that it's all going to be just fine. and yes, maybe Charleston SC isn't in the game plan right now, or maybe being the DOM within a big company isn't the best fit, but mark my words, being in control of something that may seem to others as being out of control, isn't easy, but it isn't impossible either. i'd like to think that i am a spitting image of someone who may not have it all figured out at 25, but you better bet it's a real fun ride and it certainly doesn't mean i got off at the wrong exit.

So, what's next? or better yet, where's next? well...Amherst, Massachusetts, that's where. que the "it's so cold!" and the "omg. wow. congrats? but you just moved?!".  i'm confident that Amherst will provide a lot of stability, be a little bit more comfortable and will bestow plenty of experiences for the memory bank. i'm pretty excited about settling down in New England for a while, getting a job i love and decorating our first real little home. Amherst may not be our "forever" but it is our "first" and that is pretty damn awesome. i'd like to also think i know a little bit about experiencing things with the ones you love versus solo and I can easily say that I'd much rather do the experiencing with Joe, Henry and Gib by my side and family only a few hours down the road. so sure, it might not look that great to others, and it may be easily disconcerting... but, in an attempt to live and love a lot, i've lost a little control and it's going to be just fine.

oh and i'll take any hunter boots, adorable jackets, vineyard vines sweatshirts or preppy jewelry you'd like to send my way :) helllloooo New England! ;) i may be a southern girl at heart, but getting to experience a college town with a preppy flair for a while i'm sure never hurt anyone.

Goodnight Prayers

Every night before I fall asleep I try and say my goodnight prayers. They usually go in the order of Praise, Repent, Anyone, You (PRAY). A little trick an old friend taught me years ago in an effort to provide some direction about "how to pray". Now, years later...I try every night to p.r.a.y. however it's from days like today and from coffee at 5 PM that never allows a mind to settle and a prayer to finish silently leading to a soundless sleep. So, now... I sit. Snores up the hall, lights on in the bathroom and a fire smoldering as it fades...

If I were able to actually say my good night prayers tonight...they'd go something like this;

I praise God for the blessings I have, the family that keeps me sane and the health of myself and the loved ones I cherish. I'm thankful that Pop is home from the hospital and that I've had a blessed weekend thus far with friends and family. I praise God for safe travels for my Dad no matter where he goes and a strong willed Mom through tough times and such positive vibes a brother could ever provide. I'd then pray for forgiveness for being slightly too judgmental, stressed out and negative. I'd ask that I have more patience and take more deep breaths. Then, I'd pray long and hard for my Nan and family dealing with the everyday loss of a Husband, Dad and grandfather. I'd pray for smiles and safety for a best friend hundreds of miles away and for the health and happiness of family and friends alike, no matter where they are. Then, last but not least I'd pray for a safe rest of the weekend, a smooth drive home and an even better week ahead. I'd finish with an Amen and hopefully drift to sleep.

However, like I said before...coffee too late, good music and loud firecrackers next door make that a little tough so...here I sit and reflect just a little bit on what's behind me, what I have and what is  ahead. Life can be a tricky place and absolutely full of headaches and heartache but I can only hope that each good nights prayers bring positive energy and plenty of blessings to me and mine all the sleepless nights ahead.