touching base

there is nothing better than touching base with someone that you have known since 7th grade. someone who has seen you grow up, and still loves you anyway. someone who you have partied with, probably cried around, and who you are totally yourself with. it has been a friendship years in the making and if there is anything on a Monday that is just the thing to give you that mid afternoon boost you need, its a "touching base" email.

garthy is traveling all over the world for the NAVY but still finds the time to send an email here and there to catch up.. touch base, and even send a few laughs my way. he's the best, good people if you will, and i am so thankful for what he does and that i can call him a friend; something that will never change.

good kid, good times, and even better memories to come.

get home safe, and visit soon! (bring carlton too) xxoo. and in the meantime i'll work on that "knowledge is power" thing you speak of.



hmmm...disregard.



Dead Flowers - Miranda Lambert

slightly obsessed..scratch that.. totally obsessed with this song.
I feel like the flowers in this vase
He just brought 'em home one day, "Ain't they beautiful?" he said
They been here in the kitchen and the waters turnin' gray
They're sittin' in the vase but now they're dead, dead flowers
 I feel like this long string of lights
They lit up our whole house on Christmas Day
But now it's January and the bulbs are all burned out
But still they hang like dead flowers
 He ain't feelin' anythin'
My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain
I'm livin' in a hurricane
All he can say is, 'Man ain't it such a nice day?'
Yeah, yeah
 I feel like the tires on this car
You said they won't go far but we're still rollin'
I look in the rear view and I see dead flowers in the yard
And that string of lights and it ain't glowin'
Like dead flowers, like dead flowers
 He ain't feelin' anythin'
My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain
I'm drivin' through a hurricane
All he can say is, "Man ain't it such a nice day?"
Hey, hey, I guess we'll just go to waste
Like dead flowers
 Like dead flowers, dead flowers

stop and wonder

it is strange to think about all of the people that you meet in your life. all of the people that you simply meet eyes with that you will never see again... do you ever think about that? do you ever think about all of the people that you either had a crazy summer, night out, or weekend with? or what about all of the people that you cross paths with that you haven't spoken to in years, and probably never will... or how about when you hear through the grapevine that they are talking about you to a mutual friend yet would never think twice about telling it to you or your voicemail, because chances are, you wouldn't answer anyway.

these are the things that i think about alot... the random moments, instances, and thoughts that fill ones subconscious actions and mind on a daily basis. ive decided that people are complicated creatures. they dwell on things that don't mean anything, they sit and think about things frontwards and backwards before taking action, they reminisce regardless of why what they are reminiscing about is simply a memory, and most of all they tell themselves "it is what it is" even though what it is...could be, even should be very different than well, what it is. 

on any given day the human brain has approx 63,000 thoughts [thank you wikipedia]. so when you are at a stop light and you meet eyes with the person next to you, and think "i wonder what they are thinking" it becomes clear that these consist of ideas, notions, and comments that one asks themselves and perhaps others (hence the blog) regularly. now, they might not all be intelligent, or even conversational topics but they are certainly part of the reason you are who you are, or are part of the reason why you have the personality that you do.  now, i know personally i could think myself upside down. ex-boyfriends and my mom alike will tell you that i over analyze everything, which is probably reason for the anxiety but lets be honest here... with 63,000 thoughts to fill.. who wouldnt over analyze? me, i tend to think about past relationships; the good kind and the bad. i think about the flings and the crazy what if's. i think about the future and about what i want and why. i think about family and friends, and most importantly i think about others. 

sure, i think about others in the sense  'oh i wonder how so and so is doing', or 'i should send a card to him or her' but more deeply, i think about what others are thinking, or how they are feeling, or what they are doing. i think about why people do what they do, or for that matter, why people don't do what they should. i think about what other people are thinking, as again any ex boyfriend will tell you a favorite question of mine is; "what are thinking"...and that is real life people. its like an obsession, and i from the bottom my my stomach, can't tell you the reason why i care.

so here i am of course wondering why am i so obsessed with reminiscing, or feeling as though i need to know what others are thinking, or even doing for that matter. i've gotten past caring if people are judging, at least i think so anyway, and i have moved on from the slight paranoia that used to haunt me younger years...so why when i sit at as stop light, and face the left and look at the driver next to me do i think "i wonder what he is thinking", or "i wonder if he is thinking the same thing i am"...and after getting so in my own head, and normally being honked at for missing the green light.. i ask myself..."hello mcfly, what are you doing?!"

i wouldn't consider my self a deep thinker, because well, anyone can get "deep", and i certainly wouldn't call myself introverted, although there is always a time to keep to oneself... i honestly think, well...i just like to think... alot. it makes me who i am, and it drives the people i love around me crazy, this i know must true. those that know me best know that if something is wrong, i tend to obsess. if something is lost, i wont sleep until i find it. if i have something to share, i tell too many wrong details before spitting it out. if something is funny, i lose your interest before getting to the punch line, and if i am giddy, i think about the white picket fence and shabby chic curtains before catching your name...and that, is just the way that it is with me.  so, with each person having a different 63,000 thoughts a day...i think that it is okay to wonder of whose notions i cross, even of just a few...don't you?

not fair

this is the cutest thing i have ever seen...hey, i might not be a chef, but i'll look damn cute doin' it...

heart of the home

on any given day you can find me watching HGTV, looking up recipes that i will probably never cook, working an event or getting motivated to get to the gym... it is until late that all of these things are becoming a little more enjoyable. those on HGTV tell me the kitchen is the heart of the home and i think i finally know why...as far as all of those other things, there isn't much to add so let's leave it at that.
i would not want to be anywhere other than at home this weekend for dads big showing at the one and only Perk but due to my schedule and working some serious over time a simple good luck and have fun was all that i could offer. friends and family came together to enjoy each others company and with some anxiety, and tired mind it would have been a perfect escape. now, usually i would bum around the house, watch a sappy movie, take a bath and continue to count the hours of boredom with nothing on the to do list for the soul reason that if i couldn't be where i wanted to, i would be miserable.
with all of that in mind, if i couldn't be home...i was going to make norfolk feel like it, at least a little. so, for this lazy Sunday...chocolate chop scones, autumn granola, and pumpkin cookies. bring it on. this will a. give me something do, b. make the house smell like a home. and c. give me a great reason to brag. for some one who is no chef, but simply admires those who are and loves to learn, i thought the three things on the docket would be a good starting point. now, after a few hours, a little bit of a mess, some burnt raisins and not enough tupperware my mission was complete, and relatively successful. i'd say the scones were the best... its now evident that when feeling bummed, or missing that place you call home... a kitchen will surely do the job. its where food is made with love, and patience has to run deep. it makes any house feel like home, and immediately puts me in a mind set that "i can do this" and as a matter of fact, "i enjoy this"... 

Chocolate Chip Scones = delish.

Autumn Granola - pumpkin, nuts, spices, yum.

Pumpkin Cookies Prep!

under the influence

sometimes i wonder why people let others inhibit their way of life, or their thoughts..hell, even the way that they look or what they eat. these are the people in your life that try to impress or mimic the other...or on the other hand they are the people who are so influenced by others that they lose a sense of who they are and what they are all about. they get upset easily, and they reminisce too much. they struggle with history and maybe question things that normally they wouldn't...these people are impressionable, usually at a young age..but then again maybe not. they are the followers, not the leaders, but then again maybe not.
everyone has someone that they maybe look up to... that they aspire to be like in some way or another. maybe not in the whole sense, but it is someone who they would like to learn something from, maybe take away something from. maybe for you it is your father, or grandmother...for me its these people and more, because positive influence is never a bad thing...see, i have a friend of mine who is always on track with money. she is organized, and she cooks home cooked meals. she is "good people" in the words of my dad. she is admirable in the sense that she has a great "mom" vision and she has been a great person to look up to. she may not be old and wise but i have learned alot about paying bills, being semi - homemade as well as to be kind to those who i work around... in this sense i am okay with being impressionable. why wouldn't i be...she makes good impressions.
under the influence of someone on the flip side can be dangerous. this is for the people that are hooked on some one or something that does no good for them. they don't teach them how to balance a checkbook, or cook good dinners. they don't get along with your friends, and they sure as hell aren't your parents first picks for a significant other. they are the ones that give an edge or that change your favorite bands into theirs. they pull you to look into a lifestyle that was not your first pick... but for someone who is slightly impressionable... these things or people can be slightly hard to shake. they are usually good negotiators and hell, even fun to be around. they are trouble. so this brings me to the question; why can someone who is on the right track, who has big dreams and even bigger character be so easily placed under the influence of someone or something that does no good for them? someone who will bring them down, as well as others around them with no regard. why is the thought of jeopardizing all that is right in ones life worth the trouble of trying to make it all go away?
its like an addiction. an addiction that can, given the situation take years to break. in order to be "sober" from something like this it takes finding people who are influential in a good way. it takes being patient and it takes distance. it takes getting out of your own head for a while and getting back to what makes you whole...without that impressionable characteristic that got you in trouble in the first place. it is surrounding yourself with a lifestyle of substances that are not toxic. these are things like good friends, good family, solid morals and stronger standards. it is not trying to follow..but to lead, even if you're a leader by heart. it is not listening to whats hot, but hearing what is right, even if you thought you knew all along... its taking a leap of faith, even when you have missed a few steps prior, even if its a jump that is hard to make. it, at the end of the day is being the you that you would have been minus the influence of another.
so, don't act like an idiot if your not one, don't jump just because she did, and don't laugh if you don't think something is funny, because as i have found.. its always better to be you and be comfortable than trying to be some Cinderella just to wear a shoe that doesn't fit.

the things no one wants to admit

Regrets. everyone has them. i don't care you who are, you have regrets. if you say you don't you're lying...at least to yourself. whether they are big or small.. life altering or just one of those things. for some reason, i feel if i write mine out, and then the thoughts i have there after...i will accomplish something. #random, i know. so here goes nothing...

1. i regret i graduated early and missed my spring semester senior year at Carolina....however, i have a job.
2. i regret that i enhanced a tattoo that i got with my mom after hs...however, every time i look at my hip i think of her, and how all things in life change over time, kind of like our relationship..it has only gotten better and i still love her to the moon and back. i am nothing in this world, or universe even, without her. 
3. i regret that i did not sing more...however, i can still sing any day or night for no one but myself and still get the same amount of enjoyment.
4. i regret that i was not more involved with Kappa....however, i made some of the best girlfriends i could have ever been blessed with. Al, Em, Kate, Kait, and Jenna...i love you no matter the miles.
5. i regret that i didn't go out more on the weekends in college...however, staying in with my roommates gave me more memories to take with me than i ever would have had in nights i wouldn't remember anyway downtown.
6. i regret that i didn't speak my mind to a friend i lost a long time ago...however, a friendship will last forever.
7. i regret that i didn't/don't smile more...however, those who love me most know that a sense of sarcastic bitchiness is just who i am..take it, leave it or even love it.
8. i regret that i didn't spend more time with my brother while i was home...however, i now cherish the times we do have, and the memories we can make more than ever.
9. i regret that i never played golf...however, it is never to late to really start...for some reason i feel like i'd be damn good.
10. to be determined... as i know they'll be more, but if my howevers are as positive as what is above, i'm not in that bad of shape.


hmm, that felt good. well, goodnight.